All to the Glory of God–that is why I blog and share my story so openly. I want others to know it is possible to live and parent well with mental illness. This, by necessity, causes my posts to be brutally honest, and that is not always pretty.
I have always endeavored to live by the verse 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Pull up a chair, we’ll have tea, and I’ll tell you how things are going.
I still feel light as air, most of the time. My mind stays quite quiet, most of the time.
I’d like to end the story there, but I’ve been living a lie and I think it is time to tell the truth.
I am not living on easy street. My mind is still playing games and causing me to struggle. A couple weeks ago it started with waves of anxiety. One after another slamming against me, taking my breath away, and knocking me off balance.
Wave after wave.
My mind has gotten frantic. Harder and harder control. I am working hard to channel it. I am working out daily, all through the day. I am taking all of my meds as prescribed. I have an appointment with my doctor, the earliest he could get me in.
Just a few weeks ago, I sat calmly in my doctors’ office, all going well. He said I could wait 3 months to come back…the longest since my mental health issues started over 6 years ago. I was so excited.
Then the mania came. Wave after wave. I found myself in tears while folding the clean towels because I could not fold them even faster. Then I was at my computer shaking because my fingers could not keep up with my thoughts. I spent the next week bouncing from mania to depression, all over the map.
This is not the first time I have been through this. Bipolar has sent me struggling many times, but somehow I always forget how to cope. I always forget what I need to do to get through the struggle. One of these times, I have got to take notes on how survival works.
If you ask me how to get through, I can’t tell you, but I must know, because here I am and this morning is better than yesterday morning. So, I’ll just keep breathing and praying and moving til I get through this Bipolar round.
Thank you for sitting with me. Thank you for listening to me and how I am doing. You are part of my team that helps me survive. Thank you.