First off, let me just apologize to my loved ones, family and friends who are sometimes reading things here that normally I would share more on a one-on-one basis. I have to admit the last weeks and months have been hard with the postpartum depression. It has often made it hard for me to communicate with people. All people. It is absolutely no reflection on anyone if you have not heard from me. I appreciate your support whether it is love from afar, phone calls, text messages, cards. I truly appreciate it. I hope, as things get better, to communicate more comfortably with everyone. Thank you for your grace and understanding.
On to the most recent, I have been off work for the last week due to issues with the postpartum depression. It made it completely impossible to work. My hubby was required to be with me for a few days. We strongly considered going to the hospital again, but were both very gun shy due to the horrible experience we had in October. I saw the specialist on Thursday and we tried a new medication. It hasn’t really helped. Running, and the ensuing endorphines, now they helped. So Saturday was an awesome day. It was a gift from the Lord.
The other days, not so nice. The specialist strongly suggested I try Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, a non-drug treatment for depression. He suggested it months ago, but we had some reservations. But with medication no longer working, we were all running out of good options, particularly with my desire to continue nursing Patrice.
Tuesday I reached a crisis point. I could not stop crying and the anxiety was building to completely unmanageable levels. I called my wonderful midwife in tears. She got ahold of the specialist who agreed to see me right away. I saw him and the TMS specialist in his office. They were both patient and wonderful. But I still wasn’t sold. So I headed home still undecided.
My hubby and I talked about it. But ulitmately, it was my decision.
I had a few more questions, I sent them to the doctor, he answered them with a sense of urgency that we start this new treatment for two weeks or I return to the hospital for treatment.
Just so we are clear, I do not want to go to the hospital, but I do not want to continue to be this ill. I want to be well for my husband and my children. I am willing to go to a hospital if need be, but we found it to be a situation sorely lacking in many ways. The TMS on the other hand is completely outpatient, it is about an hour out of my day, can be worked around my schedule, carries no side effects for nursing and allows me to be home with my family while I work to get better.
It was with mixed feelings that I began the treatment Wednesday. The first one takes the longest as many measurements and exact requirements have to be sorted out and ascertained. I should feel slow improvement over the next week and additional improvement over the 2nd week. The remission rate from depression with this therapy is 80%. I like those odds and the future they are likely to give me.
We appreciate your prayers and encouragment as we embark on this new therapy. And I look forward to sharing with you how it goes.Survive til you Thrive!