On Forgetting–5 Minute Friday

 
On Fridays, the Gypsy Mama invites us to write for 5 minutes without worrying if it is just right…to just write and share.  Come along and join the fun.
 

On Forgetting…
This one has me a little stumped.  I of course want to remember so much right now.  The sweetness of my baby girl next to me in bed, the joy she has when nursing, the wonder of each of my girls learning so much every day.  I want to remember the amazingness of this time.
There are other things I am not sure how I want to remember them.  If all goes as planned, I am in my final days with postpartum depression.  I will finish the transcranial magnetic stimulation treatments on Wednesday.  At that point I will end my journey to find the right medication, I will end the daily battle against myself.  Who doesn’t want that?
But another part of me wonders.  What will it be like to live without this challenge?  Will I just walk away from the wonderful ladies I have met through #ppdchat on twitter?  Will I stop blogging about postpartum depression?  What will I do with the last 9 months?  Will I be able to remember these first months of Patrice’s life?  Or will they be a fog of depression, anxiety and medication. 
What will I remember when this journey is over?  How will this journey really end?
*TMS was not my cure all.  The Postpartum Depression and Anxiety became Bipolar Disorder II
Make sure to head over and see what others are thinking about forgetting…

 
 

Survive til you Thrive!

3 Responses to On Forgetting–5 Minute Friday

  1. Thanks so much for your comment Charity! It occured to me after my five minutes that I was so happy to be keeping my memories in this blog so I wouldn't forget. I also enjoyed your post and hope you're able to end your journey in a way that you remember all the sweet wonderful things from your little ones first months!

  2. I am so sorry that you have had such a challenging time following your daughter's birth.

    I remember that after the very difficult birth of our first daughter, I was walking up and down the hospital corridor, saying to my husband, "I know we said we wanted at least two kids, but I am DONE. No more. That was too hard. Too painful, Too scary. We are done."

    Three short years later, we welcomed our second daughter. I commented later that God is so wonderful, that he softens and makes our pain smaller over time, and offers to fill that space instead with other good and great things, if we will allow Him to do so.

    I believe that God is working and will continue to work in your life as well, and he will help you find a positive way forward. I believe as well that your daughter will be a treasure to you, regardless whether or not you remember the earliest days. It is not necessarily what you remember about her that will be important for her when she is older, but that she will know she was and is loved deeply.

  3. It's interesting how these 5 minute friday posts are all so different but there is such a thread of similarity, we want to remember, we want to forget, we can't remember, we can't forget.

    The transparency in this post is beautiful, post-partum brings so much stuff together, the beautiful and the hard.

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