Get Help, Have a Plan

I know first hand how your thinking can twist after having a baby.  I have shared more than once how much I loved bringing home our third baby girl.  How much I loved being the mama of three kids.  And at the same time, was dealing with a lot of foreign feelings that I could not sort out.

I cried a lot.  I had a desperate need to be busy at all times.  I found the busyness helped me not cry as much.  Plus, I was trying so hard to be a good mom; to show the people who said we shouldn’t have a third baby, that I was a good mom, that I could handle all three kids. 

I kept going faster and faster.  And I knew things weren’t right.  And from the first moment I realized things were off, my mind put together a plan.  During the rough moments, I would have this one thought over and over, “I’ll take them to my midwife.  She can take home Patrice and love her.  And hubby can handle the other two and I can just run away.”  I didn’t know where I would go, but I had a safe place to take my kids.

As my anxiety grew and my thoughts got darker, I would think again and again, “I’ll take them to my midwife.  She can take home Patrice and love her and hubby can handle the other two.”  But I knew that thought wasn’t what I wanted.  I loved being with my girls, all of them.  With them is where I felt most at peace.  I had to get help.

I started medication, but it wasn’t enough.  My mind kept going at more and more of a feverished pitch.  And I would think, “I’ll take them to my midwife.  She can take home Patrice and love her and hubby can handle the other two.” 

Until one day, that was all I could think.  I sobbed it over and over to myself as I took my shower.  Then I packed a few things for the girls and we drove to the midwife’s office, just a few miles away.  From there began a whole series of events that protected my girls and got me help I needed.

The point is, I had a plan.  The plan protected me and my family.

This week a woman in California, seemingly, did not have a plan.  She was getting help but it obviously wasn’t enough or the right help.  It cost a baby his life and will likely cost the mother her freedom.

All of this leads me to beg women, if you think there are issues after you give birth, or wean a breastfed baby, get help.  Don’t hope it will just go away.  Don’t try to tough it out.  Get help.  Have a plan if things get too dark, painful or confusing.  Let others know where you are mentally.  Have someone you trust check in with you to make sure you are okay, someone who will not let you go with a simple “fine.”

I am also available to you.  You can find me here, by e-mail or on twitter @signingcharity; you can always use the hashtag #ppdchat on twitter to find a whole army.

Please have a plan.

Check out these resources:

Survive til you Thrive!

15 Responses to Get Help, Have a Plan

  1. Oh sweetie. You protected your kids. And you have come so far since then. And you are going to help so many women.

  2. Thank you. You really think I can help other mamas? I so desperately want to. I want to validate this journey my family has been on. I want to use it to the Glory of God.

  3. Yes. I have no doubt you can help others. You have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. Because of your heart and your strength, you are going to come away from this with gifts to share. I'm so glad to know you.

  4. Susan @learndhappiness

    "Don't hope it will just go away. Don't try to tough it out. Get help. Have a plan if things get too dark, painful or confusing. Let others know where you are mentally. Have someone you trust check in with you to make sure you are okay, someone who will not let you go with a simple 'fine.'"

    THIS ^^^ THIS is exactly what struggling moms need to hear. I'm glad you posted it.

  5. Thank you. This one was tough, but I hope mamas out there hear it. Really hear it.

  6. Marjorie Hilliard

    Charity, my daughter Michele is 6 weeks postpartum today and is struggling. She, her husband, and son are in PA (we did get to visit last week). She has started medication and has a counselor appt in late September & is working & praying on coping skills. Please pray for her! I'll pass this along to her. Thank you! –Marjorie Hilliard

  7. Will do Marjorie. Sometimes the hardest part is waiting for the medication to work. One of the best things my midwife did was had to me look at pictures of my life from good times, to remind me this was a temporary situation. I spent a lot of time making photo books. It bought me something to look forward to, loved getting my books, and filled time that was driving me crazy. Please have her get in touch with me if she needs someone to talk to.

  8. Charity, this post is so right on, and so inspiring. THank you for including my site in this list. Much love.

  9. Thank you. I really hope this gets out there widely and reaches mamas. That plan saved my life and the life of my girls.

  10. so brave for you to place this out for others to read, and to let your readers in to know how dark and overwhelming PPD/PPA can be. Grateful for your voice!! <3

  11. Thank you Jenna. It is a dark terrifying place to be. And that thing that is amazing is how hidden it can be until it is full blown crisis.

  12. Thank you for your helpful words. I've not made a blog posting in a month now, as I've not been certain of what to say. I'm not feeling like myself anymore. It's comforting to read things like this and feel a little bit less alone…. Thank you.

  13. Kelly, you are not alone. This is my third baby and it has been a long year. Please check out the other sites I list and feel free to contact me any time signing_charity at yahoo dot com.

  14. Thank you so much for this post. I am slowly working my way through this PPD and PPA. For me it also happened with the birth of my youngest – I have 2 little girls. This really resonated with me " And I knew things weren't right." I felt the same way! Thank you for helping me know that I am not alone in this fight.


  15. Jenny, you are no where near alone. It has been a long road, but the days are getting better.

    I am glad this post reached you where you are. Please know you can always get in touch with me if you have questions or need support signing_charity at yahoo dot com

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