Monthly Archives: September 2011

Phone Photo Fun

iPhone Photo Phun
Nope, I did not switch to an iPhone, but a twitter note I saw said any phone photos qualify…
This one is an oldie but a goodie…A ride on Sandy!
Caitlyn on her first day in her new class

The skirt mama made

Patrice in her first cart ride!

Love to Heaven and Back

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl.  I never got to meet you and hold you this side of Heaven.  But know, I, along, with your mommy and daddy, love you and wish you were here.  You are loved sweet girl.  I count it a privilege and honor to know your parents and love you along with them.

Please love on those in your life who have loved and lost a child, through miscarriage, stillbirth, illness or tragedy.

Multitude Mondays 168-174

Tonight we went for a walk as a family.  At the beginning, I didn’t really want to go.  I was enjoying a conversation on twitter and didn’t want to engage in “real life”.  But it is a beautiful fall day here and soon…well, it won’t be.  So off we went.

Sue started off holding my hand. I love the feel of her hand in mine.  Those wonderful fingers, holding on, feeling warm in mine.

After a while, she went up to daddy and Patrice, and Caitlyn settled in next to me. 

Caitlyn told me about school, and what bullies are.  We talked about what to do about bullies.  It was a long conversation trying to help her understand what to do or say if someone is bullying her.  Then she told me about the boy who got sent home from school for making noises with “this part of his arm” (also known as the armpit).  I don’t know if he actually got sent home for that, but she insisted he did.  We talked about the treasure box she made with daddy and how she was going to put her blankie in there.  And we talked about her being grouchy with all of us at home because she is tired from school…and what we could maybe do about that…

I almost wished this moment away.  What a loss it would have been.  To my daughters and to me.  I cannot always be with them.  And sometimes I choose poorly when I am with them, but thankfully, the Lord gets ahold of me and reminds me to be with them, to hear them, to know them, to love them.

For this I am thankful.

168.  Precious times with my family

169.  Wonderful hugs when seeing a friend at church

170.  Waking up from a bad experience and realizing it was just a dream

171.  Candor of little tongues

172.  Hearing little voices say their Bible memory verses

173.  Smell of fall

174.  People challenging me to better myself

Come share what you are thankful for at A Holy Experience.  Or just come read what Ann has written.  It will make your heat and soul swell with joy and pain.

It is Fall!!!! And we welcomed it at Yates Cider Mill

Hubby and I have been going to Yates Cider Mill since we were dating.   It is not really big, it is just the right size and it has a wonderful river you can sit by and walk along.

We enjoy taking the girls there each year (seems like there are more of them every time we go!).

Just had to share this one again!

*Please go over and see how you can pray for Ali and her family.

Update on Transitions and Life Lessons

This week has been good.  Full and busy, but I think the giving up diet coke has helped me overall.  I feel a lot better, more in control of my emotions.  I am looking forward to other changes to my diet, to see if I can get things even better.

1.  We are transitioning to new childcare, which has been wonderful.  Sue and Patrice love the new person we have.  I love being able to get Caitlyn out the door and me to work.  Much less stress.

2.  It requires us to clean the house daily, but we are keeping up with it.  And it is nice having a clean house. 

3.  Someone has slept really well the last two nights.  I am not talking about who.  I have slept decent.  I am really hoping for better sleep this weekend.

4.  I figured out what was wrong with our dishwasher.  I am feeling very proud of myself.

5.  One of my bosses at work paid me a big compliment.  That will get people far with me.  I will bust my butt for someone who says thank you or pays me a compliment.

6.  Drop off at school has been good this week.  Monday was Caitlyn’s first day in a new classroom, so they invited the parents to come in.  I did.  She cried.  Twice.  The rest of the week has been “dump and run.”  She waves as she runs to the door.  Wonderful!

7.  I heard, through twitter, that Hyland Teething Tablets are back on the market.  A friend found some and is mailing them to me.  Now I can quit hoarding my recalled ones and give Patrice the tablets to help with teeth.

8.  The relief they give kids was worth ignoring the recall.  I figured two kids had been fine on them, and they weren’t recalled for anything in them, it was because they weren’t uniform in how much was in each tablet, so I still used the ones left over from Sue.  And felt kind of sneaky about it, like I was breaking the rules.  Yeah, I’m a rebel.

9.  We went to the cider mill yesterday.  Glorious.  The donuts, the cider, the walk along the river on the tree lined path.  I’m very glad we went.

10.  And this picture just seems appropriate for linking with Life with Baby Donut.

Trying To Find

Time is in short supply.  I have three little girls.  That makes the main hobby in this house being mommy.  (and my blog).  Beyond that, I just don’t have time for too much.  My hubby is good to send me out running.  Really good, but even that only happens sometimes.  I am actually looking for another race to make sure I keep that a priority.

But lately, I have been thinking about other projects I want to do.  One of the main things I miss is sewing.  I want to make skirts for my girls.  Pretty basic skirts.  Caitlyn has one she just loves.  I had ones like it growing up that I loved. I totally get it.  But hers is worn and has started to tear, so I really want to make her another one.  It is a very flowy skirt, full and long.  Like a broom style, but not scrunched up.  It reminds me of a peasant or a gypsy. 

I have been searching and searching on-line, but just can’t find what I am looking for.  I have some skirt patterns and have measured her waist, but I can’t decide how much I should double it for the fullness I want.  3 times, 4 times. 

My plea for opinions went out on twitter and facebook.  One friend sent me a “pinned” project from pinterest.  I looked and it was so close.  So I dove in, I asked for an invite to this group.  A twitter friend sent one my way.  So I searched.  And came up with nothing.  I am so confused, I have no idea what I am doing.  I’m tempted to keep trying, but at the same time, I know I am very tired, I’ve been awake since 3 am and it is now 8 pm; I am going to put it aside for today and keep looking tomorrow.

But trust me, if you are on pinterest or just have a great pattern, I will take all suggestions.  I would love to make this skirt this weekend…

Things I Can’t Think About

I’ve been seeing this blog hop, or meme, pop up around twitter.  So I thought I would try it…

I had this baby, yup, I did, 13 1/2 months ago and she is crazy amounts of wonderful.

yes, she’s sitting in the dog bowl, holding the bowl that belongs in that spot

Adding her to our family was awesome.  The ensuing postpartum depression and anxiety has been, well, a little less awesome, but a learning experience.  And recently I have been learning about triggers.  They are, loosely defined, things that can cause a step backward in the depression recovery journey.  And those darn things seem to be everywhere.

I am doing much better, but there are things that keep popping up. Things I can’t think about much, or at all, without a tailspin.  It is exhausting keeping the mind away from those issues.  I’m going to risk a rough time by laying them out here.  I am hoping by naming them, they will lose some power.

I can not think much about Patrice’s birth.  It was amazing and wonderful, but I have a lot of feelings of failure associated with using pain meds during her birth.  I love talking about her birth, but at the same time, it is such a quagmire of emotions, I have pushed it further and further away.

I have a hard time with the news.  Listening to conversations or news reports about the economy are huge button pushers.  I know things are bad.  I know where I live.  It has just become part of our psyche.  But I do my darndest to not talk about it or listen to conversations about it.

A new one, the season of fall.  This time last year things were going crazy out of control for me.  Bad.  October 1 will be one year since I started medication to try and control the depression and anxiety.  And it is fall here.  And a wonderful time of the year, but right now, I am being careful about where I let the sights, sounds and smells take me mentally.

Mentally, I can not revisit my time in the hospital for the postpartum issues.  That 24 hours was bad.  The anger and sadness I end up with when I think about it…not good for me.  Not good at all.  I had bad care with poorly informed doctors who did nothing to help me.

I have to stay the heck away from news stories about mom’s who hurt their babies due to postpartum issues.  Wow.  That one is so bad.  There are not words.

Thank you for letting me pour out my heart about the things that can cause a rough postpartum day.  Thankfully, I am learning to identify these issues, steer away from them and reach out for help when they get to be too much.  One day at a time, I am getting better.  Much better.

Check out what others are pouring their hearts out about.

Weight Loss Wednesday…Putting My Toes Back In

So, I am putting my toes back into the weight loss journey.  Not by crazy amounts, but here is my beginning…I gave up diet coke last Tuesday.
That may not sound like much, but let me tell you…it was hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have fought it for years.  So many people would tell me how much I needed to, but I just didn’t buy it.  Well, even if I did, I shut up that voice inside with another diet coke.  Loved the stuff.
A co-worker has been encouraging me to give it up.  A trusted friend told me how it helped her emotionally when she gave up aspartame.  All the reasons collided and I finished one last diet coke last Tuesday.  I’ve also cut out aspartame as a sweetner.  I am sticking with splenda…and even getting away from that a little.  And I do feel better.
Next to go?  Caffeine.  Last week I switched to caffeinated tea to tide me over with my caffeine from the diet coke, but the thing is, I don’t like the taste as much and I think it needs to go too.  That will be more gradual…I’m going to cut my tea 50/50 then switch it all over.
Then…oh my hubby is going to be thrilled to find out…sweets go next.  He has been on board for the diet coke.  I’m smart enough to not mess with his 1-2 cups of coffee a day…we’ll see how we do on sweets. I’m not sure the whole family will join me there, but we can do better. 
And somewhere in these changes I will find an eating plan that works for me.
And then I will be all in!
I think taking these little steps will make for longer term success.  That is how I would encourage someone else, choose one thing to change, then another, and another.  And I would encourage you to join us for weight loss Wednesdays.

Multitude Mondays after Anxiety 151-167

Do you ever have a time where life just has you pensive?  Not sad, not stressed, just pensive?  I think that is where I am right now.  I had a bout of anxiety Friday night and into Saturday that made emotions and feelings very scattered and intense.  Those spells make me feel very out of control.  Through some great support from on-line friends, I came through it and by Sunday afternoon things were much better.  It left me a little spent, a little pensive.  And it actually feels good.  Life lately has been a ball of changes and adventures.  I did a big race. my oldest started school, and we changed our daycare after 4 years with the same “grandma”.  It has been a lot.  So pensive is good, great actually.
For this, I am thankful.
151.  Pensiveness, quietness.
153.  Brightly colored chair and carpet squares in the kindergarten classroom.
154.  Support available with just one tweet with the hashtag #ppdchat
155.  Introducing my family to Nutella.
156.  Babies blowing kisses at mama.
157.  Hearing a little one saying mama so clearly.
158.  A school principal who returns e-mails at all hours, and tells me “Yay Mama!”
159.  New childcare that is clicking well with our family.
160.  Pink puffy clouds.
161.  Support and encouragement in giving up my diet coke/aspartame addiction.
162.   Little girls learning Bible verses for Awana.
163.  Hubby willing to volunteer in Bible Club.
164.  Nights that baby lets me sleep.
165.  Baby giggles in the night when she doesn’t let me sleep.
166.  Having much to be thankful for.
167.  The ears of my heart to hear those things for which I am thankful.
These are just some of the things I am thankful for.  What makes your heart sing?  Won’t you share?

A Whole New Realm–Homework

As I mentioned, our oldest, Caitlyn started kindergarten this year.  That has brought lots of new things.  This weekend it brought…homework.

The teacher provided brown and green construction paper for us to make a family tree.  Daddy commented, when he saw the information for the project, Caitlyn, you have a big family, your tree will be very full.  Our girls have lots of aunts and uncles and cousins.  Lots.

But we had limited room.  The base of the tree was tracing her arm from elbow, up and around her open fingers to make the limbs.  We did that, then I sent her out to get a leaf we could use to trace to make ours.

I think the ones we made look like oversized sperm, but the jury was split on this.

I had Caitlyn help me with tracing and cutting.  She did not do all of it, but she did at least half.  I wrote the family names on the leaves. (I only went to the aunt and uncle level) She did all the gluing, and loved it.   And we talked about who was on each leaf, as she will have to present about it at school this week.

The whole time I stressed.  Was I having her do enough?  Too much?  Should we make it fancier? 

And I sent this tweet part way through:

“I am headed down a slippery slope. I’m looking at daughter’s homework and realizing it is not going to be as good as the work other ppl do.”

I was, sadly, not clear in what I was trying to communicate.  My doubts and struggles are not with her work.  I know she definitely at, if not above, her grade level in her arts and crafts skills.  My concern was with me.  Was I having her do enought, too much?  Would other parents do more of the work so she would feel like hers was not as good? 

Honestly, I still don’t know.  Hubby had some questions about it today when he saw it.  He’s concerned she might not be able to talk about it.  This could completely stress me out.  I want to help Caitlyn get off on the right foot.  I want to do this parent-of-a-school-age child gig, perfectly, but I don’t know what that is, so we will all have to learn together.  And in the learning, we will Just Be Enough.

I am linking this post with Just Be Enough.