I’m Scared of Feeling So Good–Secret Mommyhood Confessions

In case I haven’t mentioned it, the last 18 months has been a long journey with depression.  Long.  Yanno, in case I forgot to mention it.

Lately, has been better.  With some good breakthroughs that are going to benefit me and my family now and in the future.

I realized, in addition to the fact that I am worth the fight, but also, that I am not damaging my girls with this struggle, they are actually going to benefit as I get better.  They will have a stronger, happier mommy.  I won’t be perfect, darn, but I will give them less of my issues, less of my hang-ups.

I’ve also realized the postpartum depression is not an isolated incidence.  It is not my first experience with depression.  And very likely will not be my last.  Both the doctor and a friend think that is a good thing to realize.  I’m not sure how it fits into my continued healing and long-term health, but for now, it is what it is.

I am thrilled to have had some good revelations that are bringing me more freedom and health.

But I am scared.  What if this is a high and the bottom drops out again?  Will these revelations, along with my family and faith, sustain me?  Or will I see only the darkness and anxiety again?  Is this just a temporary lull?  Will life again hurt like it did last month?  Will the progress stay?  Or disappear like the mist?

Linking up for Secret Mommyhood Confessions.