I am trying a random thoughts, or stream of consciousness, post today. It’s been awhile.
I am dog tired. I reallly needed to work out tonight, but it is so not going to happen.
I found the baby in the bathroom with a cup of toilet water trying to drink it with a straw. I have formally accepted my mother of the year award.
I made a pie tonight for my older girls. For the four-year-old because I mistakenly told her there was a piece in the fridge that she could have, only to find out hubby had eaten it. I felt bad so older one and I made one while Daddy and Sue were at Awana (Bible club). Sue chose cherry. Neither Sue or Caitlyn like cherry pie. Free cherry pie at our house! Come and get it.
Caitlyn threw a temper tantrum tonight. A doozy. So she did not go to Awana. She stayed home with Patrice and I. I listened to her cry and scream. I heard her say things that broke my heart. I worried that she was getting some of those thoughts from me, from the mental illness I am struggling with, that it was already manifesting in her. Hubby says it is just normal kid stuff to throw these temper tantrums, that she is learning emotion. My rational mind knows that is true. But my rational mind also knows there is a gene component to mental health issues, and believe you me, I have that gene. I take my meds and see my doctor like I am supposed to in hopes of breaking the cycle of depression in the generations. I was encouraged in this endeavor by a tweet this week from @askdocG stating that a parent working to overcome mental health issues reduces their child’s risk by 40%.
I will continue to fight.
Church was hard today. I cried a lot. I have one of the sweetest friends at church. She came and walked with me into the service. Reached out to reassure me as she saw me cry. I hope she knows what a gift she is to those who have the privilege of knowing her.
And now, I shall link up with All things Fadra for Stream of Consciousness Sunday, and go to bed!
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