Monthly Archives: February 2012

I’m Scared of Feeling So Good–Secret Mommyhood Confessions

In case I haven’t mentioned it, the last 18 months has been a long journey with depression.  Long.  Yanno, in case I forgot to mention it.

Lately, has been better.  With some good breakthroughs that are going to benefit me and my family now and in the future.

I realized, in addition to the fact that I am worth the fight, but also, that I am not damaging my girls with this struggle, they are actually going to benefit as I get better.  They will have a stronger, happier mommy.  I won’t be perfect, darn, but I will give them less of my issues, less of my hang-ups.

I’ve also realized the postpartum depression is not an isolated incidence.  It is not my first experience with depression.  And very likely will not be my last.  Both the doctor and a friend think that is a good thing to realize.  I’m not sure how it fits into my continued healing and long-term health, but for now, it is what it is.

I am thrilled to have had some good revelations that are bringing me more freedom and health.

But I am scared.  What if this is a high and the bottom drops out again?  Will these revelations, along with my family and faith, sustain me?  Or will I see only the darkness and anxiety again?  Is this just a temporary lull?  Will life again hurt like it did last month?  Will the progress stay?  Or disappear like the mist?

Linking up for Secret Mommyhood Confessions.

Cleaning to the Glory of God?

I have talked about cleaning on my blog before when I talked about how cleaning can be therapeutic or a sign of deeper trouble.  And I can’t stop thinking about cleaning.

Trust me, my house is not spotless.  There is always more I can do to it.  Always.  But I am doing better.  And it has me thinking, can we clean our homes to the Glory of God.

Again, trust me, I don’t think my only role is to keep my house clean.  I love it when hubby and I work together.  It is all of our’s home, so we can all help with cleaning it.  But can we do that to the Glory of God?

I graduated from a small Christian Liberal Arts College.  I remember having the conversation in Photography about whether or not there was such a thing as a Christian photograph.  The general concensus was if a Christian is taking the picture and it does not violate scripture, it may not be a Christian picture unto itself but it can bring Glory to God.

I think the same applies to our homes.  The Bible says to do everything to the Glory of God, “Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 4:11, New Living Translation.

This brings me a great deal of joy,  because it does not matter if I am cleaning my house, playing with my kids, or writing in my blog, all of it can bring Glory to God if done with an attitude of humility and service to others.  Thinking of cleaning this way, amplifies my joy.  I have the reduction in stress, the excitement of clean house and my work is honoring to God.  That is a beautiful trifecta.

That is what I am thinking about.  Come over and link with Michelle for Thought Provoking Thursday.

Weight Loss Wednesday

I continue to lose, bit by bit; I have now lost 12 lbs, which is 1/3 the way to my final personal goal. I am really hoping to lose 2 lbs this week to hit another weight watchers goal.

I have got to get better at tracking. I do great with breakfast and lunch. Monday through Friday I eat virtually the same thing. But tracking dinner…seems to be a lost cause. I am going to sign up for my free trial of e-tools and see if that helps. My current meetings for weight watchers ends March 24 so am trying to decide wether to reup for meetings or go to on-line. On-line is cheaper but I’m not sure it will work for me.

This week we are looking at lunch for weight loss wednesday. I feel like I eat non-stop from the time I get to work until lunch. I eat my breakfast sandwich when I get to work, and then fruit and veggies til lunch. Typically lunch is a frozen meal. I like them. I actually get a lot more taste variety eating those then I would in my “normal” life, plus they are pre-made so no work on my part!

What is your go-to food for lunches? What works for you?

Congratulations to Alicia for her great weight loss! I love her goal and am going to adopt it as well, after a goal of 2 lbs this week, from there on out I am going to work for 1.5 a week.

Crazy Amounts of Cuteness

Sooooo Cute!!!!!




Sorry for the fuzzy one, but I just could not resist!!!!

Pinned and Did It–Giraffe

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Link up with Thrifty Ninja!
I found a cute giraffe craft on Pinterest a few weeks ago.  We started it then, but ran out of tme after painting the paper towel rolls.

Yesterday gave us some time to finish.  You’ll notice I started with one child and ended with another.  Sue was sick yesterday so didn’t last long even when she begged for a craft.  Caitlyn was very happy and excited when she came home from school after being out a few days, so she and I did her giraffe.

You can find the instructions for this craft here

I am linking up with Sarah today for Pinned it and Did it!

Memory Captured–First Pony Ride and Thanks 331-349

I saw a call for memories captured in a tweet today from @galitbreen and I knew exactly what picture I had to link up.


The pony is Sandy, the baby is Patrice and yes, that says a ride is 1 cent.  It has been for decades.

My cousin and I grew up riding Sandy at a local grocery store chain, Meijer.  A couple years ago I got to introduce my girls and this weekend, my Patrice.

That little girl joins her sisters in being a marvelous joy and light in our lives.

We thank the Lord for them daily.

331 (61).  For childhood memories to share with my girls

332 (62).  Having my cousin just a text message away

333 (63).  A clean house

334 (64).  All the laundry done for the moment

335 (65).  Joy of reading by lamplight from a lamp my daddy gave me

336 (66).  Very hands on hubby

337 (67).  Caitlyn loving to go outside to play

338 (68).  Patrice learning to climb; daddy being smart enough to dismantle the tool she uses to climb where she shouldn’t be

339 (69).  Having my mom to call with cooking questions

340 (70).  Reuniting with college friends

341 (71).  24 hour grocery stores when needed

342 (72).  Caitlyn coming through dental surgery quickly

343 (73).  A knowledgable, caring dentist for our girls

344 (74).  Sue already feeling better after having a fever so high early this morning that she was hallucinating

345 (75).  Hubby practical enough to know how to get the fever down

346 (76).  Kleenex on sale just as we ran out

347 (77).  Warm reception for my blog carnival idea

Be looking for it March 15th, just in time to celebrate my mom’s birthday.  Need a button for your blog?  Check with Lauren, @unxpctdblessing on twitter or at My Postpartum Voice.

348 (78).  Patrice adding the signs milk and banana to her vocabulary

349 (79).  Being able to gather and calm myself today when Sue was sick

I am linking up for the first time for Memories Captured and once again with Multitude Monday.


CrockPot Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches

A couple weeks ago I found a recipe for Shredded Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches.  I bought the simple list of ingredients and then couldn’t find it again when I unexpectedly had time to make it…so I did a google search and landed two places.  First was All Recipes.  It looked okay, but I knew it wasn’t quite what I wanted.  Two links down I found a fantastic blog with just what I wanted at Is This Really My Life

But we are not spicy food eaters so I wanted to calm it down a little further.  It turned out perfect.

*Please forgive the lack of pictures.

  1. 6-8 boneless skinless chicken breasts, mine were partially frozen.
  2. 1 envelope ranch dressing mix (1 oz.).
  3. 2 tablespoons butter
  4. 1/2 a jar Frank’s Red Hot Wings Buffalo Chicken Sauce.
  5. 6 mini sub rolls

Put all but the sub rolls in the crockpot.  Cook on high for 1 hour, on low for 4 hours, shred chicken, return to crockpot for 2 hours.

Serve on rolls, add cheese, ranch or bleu cheese dressing (if desired–we did not).

The above had just the right kick to it for us, but if you like a decent amount of spicy, you will want to up the Hot Sauce as desired up to the full 12 ounce bottle.

We ate it the second day over macaroni and cheese, we have small kids, what can I say, most everything ends up over macaroni and cheese.  It was a great addition to the cheesy noodles.  I am shocked at how little there is left now, even with the girls refusing to eat it.

“It smells good, but doesn’t taste good,” was Caitlyn’s appraisal.  But as you know, 4 and 5 year olds are horrible judges of culinary delight.

And since there are no pictures of food, here is at least a couple cute baby pictures in the kitchen…that fits, right?

Linking up with Energizer mommy for In the Kitchen Mondays.

Playing With My Kids? Secret Mommyhood Confessions

linking up with Kimberly for Secret Mommyhood Confessions

I love having my girls. 

Really, I do. 

I do not enjoy playing with my kids.  The thought of playing Candyland or dolls with them, at least at this age, fills me with dread.

So what is a mom to do?  Well, there is letting your kids play computer games or watch too much TV, but that brings guilt after awhile.

Other days I do craft projects with them.  It’s a win-win.  I don’t have to play with them but we get to do things together and I get to feel like a good mom. 

See, win-win.

This weekend Caitlyn and I worked on her Valentine’s for school.







An Idea–Mother’s Pride Carnival

Yesterday a twitter friend tweeted that she had two controversial blog posts brewing in her mind, but she wasn’t sure about writing them.  I jokingly said, well don’t write about me being a perfect parent, you don’t need that controversy.

We laughed, but an idea was born.  An idea to have a blog carnival that celebrates what we do as mothers.

Mothers are good at pointing out what we don’t do.  Where we struggle.  We often feel like we have to defend ourselves.

I think that should change.

And not just at Mother’s Day, much more often.  So here comes the Mother’s Pride Blog Carnival.

I envision once a month hosting a blog carnival where we write about what we do–whether it is a craft, a recipe, a parenting decision–no mattter the topic, the point is to be proud of what we do, no defending allowed, just pride.

So, mark your calendar for March 15th!  That is my mom’s birthday and I think it would be a great day to CELEBRATE!!!

We’ll start that day and continue monthly on the 15th.  Will you get ready to celebrate with me?  Start thinking about what you want to take pride in on March 15th!







I Am Worth It

It’s important to fight for others.  To work to make yourself better for others.  It is important to love others enough to do the right thing by them even when you are unable to do it for yourself.

I have fought for my family, particularly my girls, for the last 18 months.  I would remind myself over and over they were worth fighting for.  I said it aloud.  Every time I had to face the hard, I would remind myself that I would go anything for my girls.

“They are worth whatever it takes.”

So many people have told me, “you are worth it too.  You are worth fighting for.”  I wanted to believe them, but I would look at them and say, “right now I am fighting for my girls.”

Over the last month and a half of seeing the new doctor, I am learning a lot. I am seeing progress even in the dark times.  Even when this last downturn came, I could point at the things I was learning about me and the victory I was seeing and I could tell myself, see, the lies are just that, because you know you are making progress.

Yesterday I guest posted over at Kristen’s about postpartum depression and anxiety.  Today I decided to respond to any comments that came in.  As I was doing so, I saw myself typing, “I know the day is coming when I will be able to fight for me, but for now, I fight for them.”  And as I typed, I realized that day had come.  Today was the day I realized I am worth fighting for.

For the last many months, I have known that if it weren’t for my family I would have succumbed to the darkness.  Today I realized that even if my family were not here, I am worth fighting for.  I am worth telling the depression I will not believe it’s lies.  I will not live in the darkness forever.

I posted about it on facebook today.  I was too excited to hold the revelation in until I could blog.  A friend reminded me that yes, I have always been enough.  I was enough for Jesus to come die on the cross for, so yes, I am surely enough reason to survive depression.  She’s right.  But I had another epiphany.

I’ve always known Christ came to earth to seek and save the lost.  And I am among the saved, but in truth, I have never believed He came for me.  I have always believed He came for others and because He did I can benefit;  but if it were just me on this earth, I have always believed He would not have come.

And when you don’t believe you are enough for the core of your entire belief system, it is hard to believe much else.

I will admit the switch hasn’t completely flipped on that last part. I’ll get there, but it is going to take some time.  Please no sermons in the meantime.  Please know I don’t doubt my salvation, I doubt that He came for MY salvation.

But for today, I know I am enough to fight the depression.  I am enough.


Linking up for Thought Provoking Thursday.