What To Do With Emotion

As I mentioned before, the therapist correctly identified that I get overwhelmed by my emotions and attempt to turn them off.  The Good, the bad, the ugly.

A large part of that comes from rejecting emotions that aren’t founded in reason or have a good explanation.

This week, twice, I have experienced irrational anger.  Over the top and without true cause.  I don’t know what to do with it, so I tell myself it is wrong, illogical or doesn’t make sense and force myself to push it away.

Personally, it has always seemed logical to me.  The doctor thinks it is where a lot of my depression comes from.  He says, the anger is real and it has to go somewhere, and the way I am dealing with it is to pull it internal.  And for my effort, I get depression and anxiety.

Okay, y’all…do you agree with the doctor’s assessment in general?  What do you do with anger that is not based in an actual situation or in a situation that can be changed or improved?  I really could use some input here.  I *think* he’s right, but I don’t know what to do from here.

Help!

I need to figure this out for me, my girls and my hubby.

Linking up for Thought Provoking Thursday.

 

Survive til you Thrive!

7 Responses to What To Do With Emotion

  1. I agree with that assessment. If you weren’t able to express your emotions freely, you stuff it down. Over time the feelings build up until you reach your breaking point. I try to interact with my anger & see what’s underneath it. I take walks, dance, sing, scream (only when I am alone in my car) & punch pillows. I try to name my feelings & see who they are directed to. As kids we learn certain coping mechanisms that don’t always serve us well when we transition into adulthood. Sending you prayers & love.

  2. Oh honey. I love you. I love the self awareness that is coming through in this post. You are beautiful and perfect and you are not wrong. Feeling what you feel is not wrong.

    For me? When I have overwhelming feelings, the best thing I can do is not to fight them. To let myself be sad or angry or afraid, to not worry about whether it’s right or founded or true. The feelings are always real. When I spend all day trying to figure out how to “fix” it? I just feel frustrated and more sad. When I just say “hey I feel sad” it goes away faster.

    I know that’s scary. I know.

  3. I try to figure out what I’m *really* mad about (or afraid of). My irrational anger is usually rooted in something. Example: Hubs tells me we need more paper towels and I lose my temper and get all defensive, feeling attacked for not being organized enough. If I stop and feel the anger quietly, sometimes I can hear the real reason whispering to me, “I feel messy and chaotic and worry hubs is disappointed in me.”. Then Incan deal with the real problem.

    But also? Irrational anger is a symptom of PPD/PPA for me and has meant I need a med increase.

  4. The doctor is right. And knowing you and having seen you deal with anger and frustration first hand (although it was a few years ago…let’s not name how many because then I feel really old, okay?), you do have a tendency to START to feel an unpleasant emotion and then, because either you are afraid of what that emotion might be or how you will react to it or how others will react to your reaction, you do everything you can to squelch it. In the old days, you would change the subject or go for a power walk or go to the library where you obviously couldn’t let out rage. Very rarely do I remember seeing you “feel” or go through an emotion from start to finish.

    That being said, I often do the same thing myself so it is easy for me to identify in you and identify with. When we lost our first baby, I didn’t grieve for over a year. Yes, I cried while in the hospital, but I didn’t let myself FEEL the grief of losing a child I have always wanted. It was 14 months later when, in the middle of making dinner, when I just completely lost it and started screaming and crying and falling apart. Boy, did that scare my Daniel! It was two full days of me being hysterical before I was able to actually breathe. Daniel was fully prepared to admit me to the psych ward. After I calmed down, he told me the speech he had prepared in telling my parents that he was sorry he couldn’t help me and was sorry he hadn’t fulfilled his spousal duties of taking care of me in sickness and health.

    After that experience, I HAD to learn to actually feel my emotions and go through them. I have always been a bottler, but after that scare, where I could almost feel myself have a psychotic break with reality, I MAKE myself at least identify the emotion and deal with it. The only time I have struggled with my emotions since those two days was the first 3 weeks I was on my thyroid meds and I thought those alone were going to kill me mentally.

    All this to say, your doctor is right and you need to find a way to deal with ALL of your emotions, especially the ones that scare you.

    In the meantime, I’m praying that you can continue being this transparent with your doctor and hubby and, mostly, yourself.

    Love you!

  5. I agree with your doctor.
    Anger was my predominate symptom of PPD…still is with bipolar…and while it is extremely irrational at times…it can’t be bottled up. It can’t. If you do it will eat at you from the inside out.
    Things I do…journal….blast loud music…take a time out…if I could, I’d be running on a treadmill.
    Mostly I just escape from the situation so that others aren’t hurt in my rage.

    But you can’t can’t can’t keep it in. Just like depression and anxiety, the more you fight, the more you wear yourself thin.
    Sure there are instances where you are faced with a situation that provokes emotions…those instances are validated. But sometimes we can’t see that.
    You are doing a great job Mama. Sometimes doctors pull the rug from under us sometimes and we’re left wondering “The hell?”…I know that I’ve cursed my doctor under my breath a bazillion times…and he was always right…jerk….kidding…maybe.
    Love your face.
    xoxo

    • So far the jerk over here has been consistently right too. I just feel like what, do I do with it now?! I’m trying to convince hubby I need a punching bag but he says then I will get too strong… I just wish I knew what to do with it while still accomplishing what needs to be done…like I get mad because the girls need something…they still need something…how do I balance the two? How do I put away the fact the anger is there and stupid, but has to be dealt with, just not right now????

      Love you too!

  6. Pingback: Stuffing it or Reframing it–Secret Mommyhood Confessions | Our Giggles and Grimaces

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