Hard Week

I’m not going into details here, but just know this has been one of the hardest, if not the hardest, weeks of my life.

I weaned my beloved Patrice from nursing. This was my first experience weaning a baby. The other two weaned themselves when I was pregnant.

I still can’t sit and cuddle her without her wanting to nurse though it has been over a week. I am anxiously awaiting sitting and cuddling my baby; for now we stand and dance to songs.

I continue to live on a yo-yo of emotion. The darn yo-yo can bounce up and down every few hours. I want to cut the string, but instead, I am trying a new medication. I am hoping it helps. It is a medication I could not take while nursing Patrice. We have also upped one of the my other medications beyond what is safe for her to get via nursing.

I typed today, in a tweet, “as a mom with mental illness.” Then I cried. I never wanted this. I just wanted a third child. I don’t know if these depression issues would have come out without postpartum depression, but I am going to say yes, they would; it makes me feel better to think they would have shown up regardless.

Oh, and I have two pieces of advice for you:

Unless you know the person very well and are within your relationship to do so, don’t tell a depressed person to count their blessings. I know my blessings. I do. And there are a few people that can tell me that without getting an earful, the rest should really just stuff it.

2nd bit of advice, read www.spermiestyle.com and www.makemommygosomethingsomething.com. I will warn you, they are both more, well, blunt than I am, but these ladies can write and right now they can express things I can’t even touch on.