Monthly Archives: April 2012

I have Returned 401-410

I took a brief hiatus from the thankful list as my mind whirred and the depression raged on.  As has been mentioned here on my blog, I was hopitalized in March for the depression.  It was the safe and wise place to be.  Thanks to all who prayed for me and cared for our family.

And now I retun to the Multitude Monday list

401 (131).  Tasks at work that I enjoy

402 (132).  Neighbors returning our dog when he roams

403 (133).  A friends’ successful VBAC

404 (134).  Yummy work lunches

405 (135).  A medication adjustment letting me run

406 (136).  Generous family members

407 (137).  People making the best of a bad situation

408 (138).  Sunshine sending vitamin D 🙂

409 (139).  Wonderful doctors

410 (140).  Days of feeling normal

Pinned It and Did It–Donuts

I was thinking yesterday how it would be fun to make donuts, so I headed to

And found this recipe

  1. 1 container of grand style biscuts, non flaky.
  2. 1/2 inch of canola oil
  3. melted butter
  4. cinnamon and sugar mix

Flatten biscuits some, use cookie cutter or emtpy babyfood jar to cut center out, fry in oil, dip in melted butter, coat with mix or frost and decorate top side.  You could skip the butter if using frosting.  We used cookie decorations so you taste a lot of the biscuit.  Next time we will frost them.

 

Embarassed before kids–Secret mommyhood confessions

So the embarassment factor goes up when you have kids, like the day Caitlyn told a new friend she was feeling violent.  Yeah, she was repeating me.  What she left out was I was trying to convince hubby to buy me a punching bag for my birthday.

I was so embarassed.

But that does not compare to when I went on a mission trip to Mexico as a teen.  It was one of the few times in my life I owned a two piece bathing suit.  Because of the co-ed nature of the trip, I had to wear a t-shirt over the bikini top.  But a friend wanted to see to top too, so I lifted up my shirt.  Unbeknownst to me my top had come undone and was around my waist.  Yup, I flashed a guy on the trip.  I was sick with embarassment, but as I thought about it today, turns out he came out of the closet shortly after high school, so… was it really embarassing?

Better try again.

I traveled as a missionary after college.  It was a music group.  I was the interpreter for the Deaf.  So I moved a lot during the concerts.  Well one night we finished, so I went back to the music table to do my other job, sell CDs.  I didn’t have a chance to grab the money bag before people came up.  I sold a few, they gave me cash.  Our leader called us up for another song.  I stuffed the money in my bra.  Ran up front.  Started signing.  Again, moving a lot.  As I moved, money came up and out, down and out of my dress.  The drummer almost died laughing, “it was like a slot machine!  The more she moved her arms, the more money came out!!!!”

Writing it now, it’s funny, at the time I was mortified.

When have you been embarassed?

Something Something Button

Linking with Kimberly.

Exercise–Weight Loss Wednesday

Recently exercise has gotten hard.  Not in the wow, I don’t feel like it, but  in, here I am out here running and I can only make it a mile or two without walking when I used to run 6 miles quite easily, just a few weeks ago.

The negative self talk is hard to contain as I literally cry out to God asking Him why it is so hard.  And since weaning Patrice, I have been terrified the Multiple Sclerosis will come out of remission; this fear has been intensified by the struggle to run and some blurry vision issues.

Yesterday I was freaking out and continuing to cry out to God.  When my hands started to shake a little bit again.  So I did something I RARELY do,  I looked up the medication I am and read the side effects.  Listed–weakness and possibility of enlarging eyes.  I called my doctor and we talked at length about changing my medication.

He patiently listened.  He was willing to change my medication, but it wouldn’t be quite that simple.  I would have to go off the anti depressant completely and wait a while before starting another to see if the weakness improved.

I love running.  I stressed that to him.  He again agreed to take me off the medication and explained the need to be off any of that type for a while before starting a new treatment.

I really love running.  We discussed some more, but ultimately I had to decide to stay on the medication.  No matter how much I love running, I can’t risk stopping my medication completely right now.  I love my family and myself too much to risk the spiral into depression that could engulf me.

I’m going to continue to run as much as I can, up my walking and bike riding so that I am as strong as possible and will continue on my weight loss journey with www.myfitnesspal.com.  And I will pray this frustrating side effect goes away.  Won’t you please join me?  Please pray my strength will be restored.  And I will again be pounding out the miles in time for my 1/2 marathon on May 20.

Thankfully the vision issue, after going to the eye doctor, appears to be dry eyes caused by the medication.  Who knew that could cause blurry vision.  The doctor has me trying a better contact and rewetting drops.  The improvement in my sight was immediate.  Praise the Lord.

Come see what Alicia says about family exercise.

Ten Random Things About Me

When you’re not sure what to blog…Go Random…

1.  I am 4 ft 9 1/2 inches tall.  Yup, I am shorter than you 🙂

2.  I have never dyed my hair.  I’m too vain.  I am proud my hair is still as blonde as it is and had a lady tell her hairdresser, “I want her color.”

3.  My music choices are very eclectic.  I love classic hymns, P!nk, Kenny Rogers, Florence + the Machine, musicals, Coldplay.  My daughters now dance and know the words to “Raise Your Glass” (clean version).

4.  My hubby is my dream spouse.  I might whine at times, but he is my prince charming.

5.  I have an English degree, used to be an Interpreter for the Hearing Impaired, missionary and sold Pampered Chef.  One of my first jobs was counting worms for a bait shop.

6.  I bought a horse when I was 13.  Sold it when I was 14.  Bought a 1o speed bike.

7.  I know how many CDs/games you can put in a Wii console before it breaks.  Yup, 4.  Getting them all out does not guarantee it will work.  Final results pending.

8.  I am addicted to social media, ie twitter and blogging.  Seriously,  I check it if I wake up at night.  It always makes me smile to get a blog comment, though I am glad to have a plug in that now controls the spam.

9.  I am learning a lot from social media about how different people can be and still care about, even love each other.  I have to say my world was pretty small before twitter.  Most of the people in my life thought like me, acted like me, believed like me.  That is no longer the case, and that is okay.  Thank you for opening my eyes.

10.  My youngest mimics daddy and tries to talk in slow motion like he does when trying to be funny.  And she does a killer lion noise that starts with a great growl.

 

 

Normal–Mine or Yours?

Patrice will be 20 months old next Saturday.  Crazy to think of that.  It is so fun watching her learn and grow.

But I’ve been missing something–feeling Normal.  I’ve been waiting for me to get to normal with the depression medication and then had plans to stop taking the medications and still be normal.

It doesn’t seem to be happening.  Most days normal seems further and further away.  I haven’t been okay with that fact.

Until yesterday.

The lovely and brilliant A’Driane, or AddyeB on Twitter, of Butterfly Confessions, was talking me through the most recent turn of events in my walk with depression and I lamented not knowing when or if I would be normal…

“Feels like I’ll never find normal again.”

“I’m learning the thing with mental illness is that we have to redefine what normal means for us.  It’s frustrating but kinda freeing to think that my normal doesn’t have to be like other peoples’,”  A’Driane replied.

“I like that perspective.  I think I’m going to claim as normal anything that isn’t anxiety, suicide or uncontrollable.  Screw whether or not it takes meds to be normal.”

“Exactly!  That’s a healthy and attainable perspective.  Takes the pressure off of  you, yanno?  Allows you to work with your illness, not fight against it in that sense,” A’Driane said.

“You’ve given me a gift that no one’s been able to help me with, real hope of being okay,” I told her.

Reread that last sentence.  Let it sink in.

I let the whole conversation wash over me.  And felt healing come.  I am not there consistently, but I can get to that there.  I can be happy in that there.  I can be healthy in that there.

It all came with a change in perspective.  Where could you change your perspective to be healthier and stronger?  Could healing come with a new perspective?