Depression sucks. All kinds of depression. This week was really hard. On the verge of hospitalization bad. Like if my mother wasn’t coming to visit I would have gone to the hospital bad.
The last three weeks have been a slow slide with bumps and bruises. I stopped running altogether. My heart just went out of it. It became a chore. Easy 6 mile runs became very difficult two mile runs.
So tomorrow is a half marathon I have been planning on and training for since December. But the preparation hasn’t been there, the energy hasn’t been there and the heart hasn’t been there.
I will not be racing tomorrow. I will be going to the zoo with my kids, their grandparents and my hubby.
I’m sad and disappointed to not be doing the race. But not as much as I expected to be. I am thrilled to be going to the zoo with my family. And if I am so sad I can’t let go of the race, the beauty is, there are ALWAYS more that can be run!
But my confession today? I’m afraid this battle with depression never gets easier. That all the weeks will look more and more like this one did. I hope not, but today the fear is there and real.
(I am doing much better. I am tired and feel beat up, but okay. Thank you to Kim, Pam, Lisa and Jessica for walking this week with me.)