My Diagnosis Changed

Do you ever wonder if you have known something all along?  Like there is no surprise where there should be shock?

I have written about postpartum depression and anxiety a lot since Patrice was born, but I have never tagged it as ppd, instead I have always called it just depression.

I think, since the beginning, I have known my soul wasn’t just being introduced to depression after Patrice’s  birth.  Depression has visited me several times over the years.  Previous experiences with depression have been different in that they could be traced to events happening in my life; they were episodic.  This time was different.  Postpartum depression was the spring board, but the battle has reached much further.

The waves of depression and excitement keep crashing, again and again.  They rob me of normal feeling, healthy interaction with everything in my life.  The latest wave landed me in the hospital for the third time and has me out of work for a few weeks as my soul and psyche need to heal.

This additional time home is giving me time to rest and learn.  I have a lot to learn about this journey with bipolar not otherwise specified (meaning it does not fit perfectly in with bipolar 1 or 2).

I am trying to learn as much as I can, so please send on bipolar resources you may know of.  I am also considering trying a support group, though every fiber of my being says no, I don’t want that!  My experience with mental health support groups have been in the hospital, which has been less than stellar.  Have you ever gone to a support group?  What did you think of it?  Would you go again?