My Diagnosis Changed

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Do you ever wonder if you have known something all along?  Like there is no surprise where there should be shock?

I have written about postpartum depression and anxiety a lot since Patrice was born, but I have never tagged it as ppd, instead I have always called it just depression.

I think, since the beginning, I have known my soul wasn’t just being introduced to depression after Patrice’s  birth.  Depression has visited me several times over the years.  Previous experiences with depression have been different in that they could be traced to events happening in my life; they were episodic.  This time was different.  Postpartum depression was the spring board, but the battle has reached much further.

The waves of depression and excitement keep crashing, again and again.  They rob me of normal feeling, healthy interaction with everything in my life.  The latest wave landed me in the hospital for the third time and has me out of work for a few weeks as my soul and psyche need to heal.

This additional time home is giving me time to rest and learn.  I have a lot to learn about this journey with bipolar not otherwise specified (meaning it does not fit perfectly in with bipolar 1 or 2).

I am trying to learn as much as I can, so please send on bipolar resources you may know of.  I am also considering trying a support group, though every fiber of my being says no, I don’t want that!  My experience with mental health support groups have been in the hospital, which has been less than stellar.  Have you ever gone to a support group?  What did you think of it?  Would you go again?

Survive til you Thrive!

4 Responses to My Diagnosis Changed

  1. I’m so proud of you for writing this here. You are going to be an agent for change. I believe in you.

  2. I am so proud of you for sharing your diagnosis. You’re going to help so many people with your journey. xo

  3. We are very similar. I, too, was not diagnosed with anything before my postpartum psychosis and postpartum depression. However, I do think that I have had depression problems before – now looking back I can see that. I am also starting to wonder if I am bipolar II. I am going to talk to my psychiatrist next week about this. I think I keep having manic episodes. I have all of this energy all of a sudden, my mind races with thoughts, and I feel like I can do so much. Then like the snap of my fingers, it is gone. I don’t feel bad this week, I just don’t feel like I did last week and I am able to concentrate a little more. It is weird.

    Thank you for sharing your story! I think you will help many people. Hugs to you!

  4. So proud of you for sharing this. I hope you are able to relax a bit & rest. I have not been to a support group but I have actually been thinking of going to one next week (it is at the church we have been going to) and I am trying to set up a support group in my area for anyone who has been through a ppmd. If you are conflicted, maybe try one out and see how you like it? If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back right? 🙂

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