Perfectionism Post Postpartum Depression

*I am not intending to give any medical advice, I am simple musing on my own experience.

My baby is 2 years old.  My battle with depression is 2 years old.  One is really cute; the other one not so much.  You pick which one is which.

Work has been really hard since dealing with postpartum depression.  I always feel like I am failing or am afraid I am going to fail any moment.  Knowing that I have done my best or have done well does nothing to drive these feelings away.  I wait in anxious anticipation of having someone find my error or failing.

This last week that also spilled over into my two girls birthday party.  I was a wreck because I was so afraid I would screw the party up.  My nerves were so bad.

The party turned out perfect, everything my 6 year old and 2 year old, and even their 4 year old sister, could want or desire.

And yet my tension stayed.  My poor hubby endured my anger, my frustration, and my sadness.  All seemingly, with no cause.

Then today, some ladies and I were talking.  And perfectionism came up.  And a light bulb went off.  That was it.  It wasn’t other people’s expectations of me, it was mine.

Somehow, my expectations of myself have gotten higher.  I expect more.  I am not measuring up to me.

Now what to do?

 

Survive til you Thrive!

2 Responses to Perfectionism Post Postpartum Depression

  1. Kadren Grawburg

    Give yourself a break. You know that God does not expect perfection, why should you? You go into each day doing and giving your best. You might mess up, but you learn from your mistakes and try not to make the same ones tomorrow. But if you do happen to make the same mistake? God still loves you. And there is always tomorrow. You rock, just the way you are. Imperfections and all!!!!!

  2. Listen to Kadren. She is right on all accounts. I will just add that you need to find a way to stop and take a breath when you realize you are starting to spiral in a sea of perfectionism of your own doing. You need to find what triggers you have and learn to stop yourself from obsessing, realize you are obsessing, and redirect your thoughts. This doesn’t mean you become a mediocre member of society. It means you realize the difference between striving to do your best and killing yourself for what you perceive others’ expectations to be when reality says they don’t expect as much from you as you do.

    We all love you, faults and all, and are not expecting you to be the perfect athlete, mother, wife, friend, co-worker, driver, baker, etc. Just allow yourself to be your imperfect self because that is the Charity we love!

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