Two Years Later

Okay so 2 years ago, my postpartum depression and anxiety got to be too much.  I could no longer cope.  All I could think was, get Patrice to my midwife, she can take her home and love her; daddy can handle the other two.  So I packed the diaper bag, got the kids in the van and headed to my midwife’s office.  I waited for her, then begged her to take Patrice.  As I sobbed.  That was the end of October, almost 2 years ago.

I wish I could tell you those thoughts are all gone.  Most of the time I am okay.  But my flight feeling is still strong.

Today, I desperately want to run.  I want to call my midwife and escape.

If only people knew what kind of horrible mom I am.

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14 Responses to Two Years Later

  1. Satan’s lies will have you believing almost anything. The only horrible mom is one who neglects and ignores. You are far from that! No one is perfect. No one is ever going to be perfect. That’s where God’s grace comes in. We all need it.

  2. Kadren Grawburg

    A lack of a sleep this week, worry about Patrice, and dealing with the sick baby, all VERY stressful! It would make me want to run! Don’t be so hard on yourself, please. God has you wrapped in His hands. You can always run to Him.

  3. Kadren Grawburg

    I am on my knees praying it goes away, and STAYS away!

  4. Hang in there Charity. When that negative tape in your head runs on and on, it might be good to journal, and get some counter-thoughts written down. And use them, You are a good mother, etc. And that fight or flight reaction is normal. You can retrain to stand and fight. good luck!

  5. You are a great mama, Charity. You got the help that you needed so you could be there for your sweet girls. Sending you all my love.

  6. Just not sure the help is working. He’s a great doctor but maybe I just can’t get any better.

  7. You are a wonderful Momma. This illness robs you of your true worth. It really does. It puts a mask on you and you only see negative.

  8. I know you speak truth Kim. I am sitting at my desk at work crying. Too bad there is so much negative to see.

  9. You are an amazing mom. Depression is a lying SOB. Knowing and feeling the truth are two different things, and I know how hard it is to have the two compete for attention. But I want you to know you are loved. You are needed. I need you. Your family needs you.

    Sending so much love your way. And I am here if you need me. Any time.

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