I tried to explain to hubby why I was so upset about feeling like I don’t invest in my kids most of the time; why just surviving is such trauma to me. He thinks it is because I worry too much about what others think of me. But it is not that simple.
Yes, I worry what other people think. I know my parenting style changes when there are people around, I don’t want them to think I am doing it wrong. Yet, for the most part, I am proud of a lot I have done. I was a breastfeeding, babywearing mama. I let my kids know I love them and am proud of them.
But I am haunted with the thought I am not investing in them enough. I am afraid they don’t believe how much I love them. I am afraid they won’t know how much my heart breaks when things go awry, when I yell too much or get too frustrated.
I want so much for them to understand how much I want to pour into them. How I want them to see and know the Love of God first, here at home. How I want them to have the self-confidence to head out into the world with their heads up high. How I want them to know home is a safe place to land, always.
What do you want for your kids? How do you show them?