What I Can’t Have

I have almost everything I have ever wanted.

I have more than what most people dare to dream of having.

And yet I want something I can’t have.

I want to be medication free.

(I would have everything I ever wanted, if I had that)

Having Patrice ushered in postpartum depression and anxiety, which ushered in bipolar depression.  And lots of medications.

I hate them.  I hate the side effects.  I hate needing them.  I hate KNOWING I need them, most of all.

I want them gone.

When we  had Patrice, I just wanted a baby.  NOT ALL THIS.

Don’t get me wrong…I wouldn’t trade her for all the med free days in the world, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting something I can’t  have.

I want them gone.

I want what I can’t have.

(If you are an astute reader, you have seen this topic previously, but hey, it is my place to whine, so there you go. Even linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say)