What I Can’t Have

I have almost everything I have ever wanted.

I have more than what most people dare to dream of having.

And yet I want something I can’t have.

I want to be medication free.

(I would have everything I ever wanted, if I had that)

Having Patrice ushered in postpartum depression and anxiety, which ushered in bipolar depression.  And lots of medications.

I hate them.  I hate the side effects.  I hate needing them.  I hate KNOWING I need them, most of all.

I want them gone.

When we  had Patrice, I just wanted a baby.  NOT ALL THIS.

Don’t get me wrong…I wouldn’t trade her for all the med free days in the world, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting something I can’t  have.

I want them gone.

I want what I can’t have.

(If you are an astute reader, you have seen this topic previously, but hey, it is my place to whine, so there you go. Even linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say)

Survive til you Thrive!

4 Responses to What I Can’t Have

  1. Oh, I know. I understand. You’re not alone.

    This is so well worded. So perfectly written. Quiet, simple and profound.

    This is your space, you speak as you wish.

    Huge hugs to you.

  2. That has to be so frustrating. But medication isn’t a bad thing. Some of us need it. xo

  3. Lovely honest words. I think speaking these truths here in this space well help many others to know they’re not alone on their journey as well.

  4. Huge hugs, Charity. I hope and pray that some day we can have side effect free medication. If we need medication to help regulate our brains, make it sophisticated enough to just do that and nothing else.

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