Lately the Bipolar and I have been slugging it out round after round. I keep reaching out because I know I have to. But when I reach out, I feel like I am crying the same thing over and over.
I feel like Chicken Little crying that the sky is falling.
Because I don’t choose the final solution, so I must not be that bad, right?
“The sky is falling!”
I said that to a sweet friend on Facebook today. She asked what I enjoy doing, and I didn’t answer right away; she assigned me a photo scavenger hunt.
Here were my 10 items:
1) flowers–not much in the way of real flowers here yet, but these are so pretty. Our neighbor gave these artificial flowers to the girls and I just loved them. I love the riot of color in the basket. Hubby says it is too much all together. I think it is JUST right all together.
2) something blue
3) a favorite book–couldn’t pick just one.
4) your favorite thing to drink–I chose Diet Coke but really, my new love is sweet ice tea. We had a bunch of Diet Coke from when the stomach virus tortured us. We finished up the last of it today. I am kind of relieved. Guess I am over that addiction.
5) favorite picture on your phone currently–she is one of the four reasons I keep slugging it out. Do I want to give up sometimes? Hell yes, but I have these three little girls and this hubby. I don’t want them to ever wonder why I didn’t love them enough to fight harder. But oh my God, I am fighting so hard right now, and the progress is non-existent. I fight is hard. Now please, I know I sound really negative and despondent, but there is no need to panic. I am fighting. I will keep fighting. I promise.
6) something you created–Here’s a hat Sue and I made together.
7) scripture in the bible that gives you strength–Psalm 68:19 is my life verse
8) Your favorite shirt–this is my shirt I got from Cristi to support her walk for suicide prevention. Go here to get your own.
9) An interesting button–if I remember the story correctly, this button is on a wrap/shawl that my grandpa brought back from Korea.
10) your favorite pair of shoes–I hardly ever wear these but aren’t they cute?
11) your favorite cosmetic–I quit wearing make up when I quick working outside the home, well actually before then, but officially then.
12) You wearing a funny face
13) You wearing a smile.
After crowd sourcing on Facebook, a concensus (which not even auto correct knows how to spell) has been reached, I look better with bangs. So ends my 1+ year attempt to go without. I have made an appointment for 9 am tomorrow to have bangs cut back in. I’ll have her trim the back too, but I will not be going to short hair. I am one of those who really loves braiding my hair (french braid today), putting in buns (staple hairstyle) and pinning it up other ways, so nope to the short bob. Plus, I have donated my hair twice and am working on a third time.
I wish I could tell you taking these pretty pictures fixed my whole day. I wish I could tell you I am all better and on an even keel again, but I’m not. And that’s okay. This scavenger hunt gave me something besides the storm to focus on. It gave me breathing room. And it gave me something to blog. I consider that a win. I really appreciate Alycia’s efforts. She cared enough to DO something for an internet friend. She knows what it is like. She’s slugging it out somedays too. You should do yourself the favor of checking out her writing. She has a heart of gold and a golden pen.
Thank you to all who are walking alongside me. Thank you for not being afraid of me. Thank you for not being afraid of my demons. I can’t name, or even see what is causing the battle right now, but I know it has to be fought. And I’m here, fighting.
Survive til you Thrive!