Something Deep

I feel like I should have something, deep, profound and encouraging to write.  But for that, you’ll have to visit these brave ladies, over and BonBon Break.  Because I’ve got nothing.

If I could cry on the computer screen and it translate the drops, then maybe we’d have something

I want to rage and scream and destroy things.  I want to scream at someone.  Remember that scene in Steel Magnolias where Shelby has died and they are at the cemetery and Malyn says, “I just want to hit something til it hurts as bad as I do.”  Clarise, grabs Wheeza and say ” here, take a wack at her…”

I need a Clarise to find me a Wheeza.  I want to hit something til it hurts as bad as I do.  Til the noise in my head goes away again, til I’m not here sitting at my computer sobbing.

Oh my God, I want something to help, something to make sense.  Dammit, I want somebody to tell me how to fix me, how to fix all of me.

My family deserves a hell of a lot better.

Survive til you Thrive!

5 Responses to Something Deep

  1. Hon, what you say IS profound, you need to remember that.

    Just writing and sharing and opening yourself up raw? Amazing. Keep on keeping on. Huge hugs to you.

  2. The fact that you are raging mad at this illness is telling me that you still want to fight…that you have fight in you. That’s good Charity. Think of that.
    You have all the power over it. You really do. Keep calling that doctor. Keep plugging away with things so your mind doesn’t have a chance to ruminate on junk. Keep pushing.
    Things will get better they always do and you know it. And better? That side of better? She is beautiful isn’t she? xoxo

  3. Well, the rapid cycling ended, but lucky me came out with more depression, instead of stable or hypomanic. I call and I hear nothing back from the doctor. My thoughts go where they shouldn’t but then I look at my girls, and I fight another round.

  4. GOOD! Keep fighting. Keep calling. Keep talking. Keep writing. Keep posting.

    YOU ARE WORTH EVERY SECOND OF THE FIGHT!

    Keep re-reading Kimberly’s post. Every word she wrote is true and what you need to remember right now. This is just the downward of a cycle. Make the girls lunch and put in “Frozen.” Give yourself over an hour alone to cry, to sew, to cross-stitch, to read, to write, to shower, to pray. Buy yourself time to remember how to breathe and fight while you wait for hubby to get home.

    Just don’t stop fighting.

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