Yesterday, we were a small but mighty band of men, women and children.
All for awareness. All for the mamas.
Four years ago, I was anxiously awaiting the day until Patrice was born. And doing everything I could to get this baby to turn out of the breach position, because I was not good with giving up my natural birth for a surgery. Not my plan.
Thankfully, through LOTS of work, baby complied. Head down.
Then my grandpa died. He had been trying to hang on for our new addition but his body was tired and ready for Jesus.
Baby came, one tagged out, one tagged in. The battalion was passed.
We welcomed our little girl amid a little bit of drama. Seems, in all that turning in utero she had made quite the mess out of her cord. But after some quick work, she was declared perfect.
We brought home our third daughter.
And I was so ashamed I had used part of a shot of narcotics for her birth, I hadn’t made it all natural. That was my last chance and I blew it. I spiraled down and up–my tears came unbidden, my need for activity grew and grew.
I ended up in the hospital. I ended up sick for a very long time after she was born.
The time was very dark and very busy. In my journey I found Postpartum Progress, an on-line foundation that provides support and help for families living with a postpartum mood disorders. There I found answers to my many questions about what was happening to me, there I began to find a community of women who could put words to my journey, my spiral.
It is for that we walked yesterday.
I spent weeks contacting media, websites, care providers, businesses. I hoped to bring families out to support and bring awareness to postpartum mood disorders.. I got exactly one comment on one blog post, but no participation. Mind you, I got some wonderful support financially and emotionally from friends on Facebook. I got a donation from a guy I haven’t spoken to since 1993. Caitlyn got a donation from her best friends’ mom. I am most proud of those two.
But I have to admit, yesterday, I was heartbroken my efforts had not found more walkers. I cried, a few times, until it was just time to do it.
The girls and I headed out to the park, and were joined by a bestie from college, her amazing family and my wonderful sister-in-law. I started a few remarks to them about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. I began with the stark truth “I didn’t die after Patrice was born.” Then talked about my journey, shared my heart for helping other mamas live and mother with mental illness.
And we walked.
I realized then that our group was perfect. I was surrounded by so much love. I was surrounded by people who had loved and supported me through the journey, each of them at one time or another giving their all to be there for me.
Our group was perfect.
Don’t forget you can donate until June 30 at Crowdrise, I still have a Facebook Jewelry fundraiser going on or locals can come out to dinner on Thursday at Noodles in Downtown Royal Oak.
Survive til you Thrive!