I miss being solid on my “emotional” feet. You know, feeling like you know what to expect when it comes to well—feeling.
Bipolar has robbed me of that.
When I was battling Multiple Sclerosis as a teenager and young adult, I would wake up every morning and test my body, part by part, to see what worked and what didn’t.
Now, I do the same…with my mind. Am I up, am I down, do my thoughts make sense, how fast are my words coming, are the words good or bad. How is my mind treating me?
In those few minutes, I try to get a lay of the land for the day.
Today, started out good. I still feel fragile after the last depression, but I could breathe in and out and cope.
I got up, I exercised–I can always use that boost for my mood and body, the girls and I got started on school.
All seemed well.
Then something small, something expected, hit me, and I was a bubbling, blabbering mess. Hiding in the bathroom sobbing, upset.
I am much better this afternoon. I did a few things to help get myself settled again, and they have helped, but I still miss the feeling of being rock solid, the feeling of trusting my feelings, and walking confidently through each day.
Part of me wants to curl up and surrender to the fragile emotions, but I can’t do that. I can’t give them that much power over me. So, I get up, make choices, and put one foot in front of the other.Survive til you Thrive!