It’s All in There

Right now I have all the emotions inside of me bursting to get out.  Well, most of them are unpleasant, but they still want out.

It is a type of Mania, because you see, mania is not the fun easy time they show on tv.  Mania is often dark and angry.  Lashing out at people.  Being torn up inside.  It feels very close to anxiety, but there are a few minute differences.  The anger.  Too many emotions at once.  All jumbled inside.

I also have a lot of energy.  I feel like I must move all the time.  Go, go, do, do, but I have NO DIRECTION WHATSOEVER.  I want to hide in my bed.  But feel like I’ll burst in there.  My thoughts swirl too fast to even lead to anything like coherence.  But lots of sadness lives inside too.  I have burst into tears a few times lately because of thoughts or feelings going too quickly or because I didn’t know which way to turn.

All the emotions.

Mania and depression mixed gets you a shaken and stirred, mixed episode.

Thankfully, I have the girls here to balance me.  Because of them, I can’t give into all of the destructive emotions.  I can’t hide in my bed, my day has direction.  That direction is called hugs, math, language arts, Bible, Handwriting, Phonics, reading and history.

The rhythm keeps me moving.  It keeps me productive.  It gets me to the next moment of health and hope.

Survive til you Thrive!

One Response to It’s All in There

  1. Sending you so much love. So glad that the routine of school keeps you grounded.

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