Monthly Archives: May 2015

A Year Has Gone By

It hardly seems possible that a year has passed since I led a Postpartum Progress Climb Out of the Darkness walk to raise funds and awareness for perinatal (during and after giving birth) mood disorders.

We were a small crew but we had fun.

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I am not leading a climb this year, but I have decided to join another local group who are climbing/walking to raise awareness for perinatal mood disorders, including, but not limited to, depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and psychosis.

I hope you will join us in walking (contact me for details) or use this link to donate to my climb.

Help us help families everywhere!


Another Mother Runner

Running has not been easy for a while now.  I’ve been dealing with desperate leg pain.

So I added compression socks.

Different shoes.

And felt some, not a lot, relief.

So I went back to my “soul” workout, PiYo.  I feel so strong even though I have a long way to go!

I began toying with and kind of decided to quit running.  Just accept it and walk…

Then this came from a sweet friend.

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She even got the book SIGNED for me.  I was blown away.  I immediately put the shirt on and had my daughter take some pictures.

Motivation in a little brown envelope.

Excuse while I go exercise to strengthen my legs!!!

And run.

Not Here But There

I know it has been quiet here.  My words seem to have left me.  I search and search for something to say here and am left holding nothing.  I want to write here, I do.  Last night I even dreamed of writing here, but alas, I am still empty.

I was able to put something together this week for Project Semicolon that you might enjoy.  Head over here to check it out.

Peanut Butter Wars

I am not much of a peanut butter eater, unless said peanut butter is Jif reduced fat.  I love the taste and texture of the reduced fat version.  I know it is not really any good for someone trying to lose some weight, but I often feel powerless against the siren song.

A couple weeks ago, I got completely ensnared.  I could not stop pulling out a spoon to get a yummy dollop.  One after another, after another…even though I could feel my clothing getting tight again.  It was just so yummy.  Then a friend told me about all the sodium in it…I knew I had to resist when I gained 6 lbs in a week.

But oh the agony of my lost love.

I held strong and I did it.  I cut myself down from spoon after spoon in a day to less than one a day.  And thankfully my body was nice enough to forgive me for the sodium onslaught and go back to normal.  But I know my weakness.

So this week found me buying crunchy peanut butter.  I hate the taste, the texture, everything about it.  Yay!!!

I am trying to make other good choices.  I am logging my food, eating lots of protein at breakfast, added in low fat cheese as a snack.  I need more ideas.

What are your real food go-to items?  Do you have recipes you can share?  Help me get my eating on the bandwagon.  I have some goals that running alone won’t win…


Happy Birthday To Me

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This post could go so many directions…so I think I’ll just stick with

Thank you for all the love, support, encouragement and help you have given me to get me to my 40th Birthday!!!  It was such a joy to read each and every Birthday wish yesterday!  Thank you more than words can truly express.


Bipolar Is…

Having a perfect day…and feeling completely broken inside.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  My hubby and kids did a great job spoiling me.  There were chocolate chip pancakes.  A skirt that was exactly what I asked for.  Homemade presents.

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And an 8 pack of diet coke.

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All neatly tied up with love.

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Still I struggled.  The depression stayed with me throughout the day.  I kept reminding myself what an amazingly perfect day I was having, truly it was fantastic, but my mind didn’t understand how to act; so there was depression, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and tears.

My very patient husband and I had a good talk about it.  He walked me through one of my biggest fears, and I am trying to accept, believe, and know the truth he spoke into me.

But for now, I am giving myself permission to enjoy one of my favorite meals–egg, sausage, and diet coke…and praying my mind follows suit.

I Want to be Eloquent

But I don’t think that is going to happen tonight.  Things are hard.  Really, really hard.  I had hoped I was just looking at a blip, but instead I am finding this to be a deep descent into darkness, requiring extra medications, extra help from friends, extra boundaries, extra love.

I need all these things when I deserve them least.  I am not very lovable right now.  I am very self absorbed and needy.  I don’t have a lot to give–just my fear and darkness.

I am taking extra as needed medication to get through each day which is making me very lifeless, quite expressionlist.  It is all very frustrating, but it is where I am.

Bible Blowout

Ah.  It is that bittersweet time where activities are wrapping up for the summer.

The kids are so sweet as they finish their year end projects and work really hard to achieve their goals.

Bitter because this year ends our journey with a child in preschool age range.  Patrice will be a big kintergardner in the fall.  Sue will be in third grade and Caitlyn in 4th!!!!

But last night was time to celebrate all they have all learned in Bible club (AWANA).

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Caitlyn finished  her first book for T&T

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Patrice finished Cubbies

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Sue finished Sparks.

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And we couldn’t be more proud!