Fall is here. I know it with every fiber of my being. I know it NOT because of the pumpkin spice latte M&Ms headed to my grocery store. I know it NOT because of the calendar–it still says summertime. The cooler weather hints at fall, but the proof is in my brain.
My mind is racing most of the time. I am having a hard time controlling my thoughts and my moods. I want to run away from my life, from me.
It’s happening again.
Every year at this time, since the very first fall after Patrice was born, I descend into the dark pit of depression. It’s a little early this year, but it definitely is the fall round of mental torture.
I used to love fall. I love the color of the leaves, the opportunity to bake and cook more. I love the decorations. I love the cooler temperatures.
But my mind makes it hard to enjoy all of those things. It is too busy thinking over the years that have passed. It is too busy telling me I am a horrible mother and I need to run away. It is too busy torturing me.
This year, I recognized what was happening a little sooner so have kicked up my exercise a notch, reaching out to others, reading my Bible, giving myself space.
I am doing what I can to reclaim my season, to reclaim my fall.
Being 9 is very tricky!!!
True story? I don’t know if I already wrote this post. But I thought it was time to share our homeschooling plans for the year. I am just about done putting together several binders for the girls to work from.
We are doing a lot of projects called lapbooks. In lapbooks you use file folders to arrange information using booklets, wheels, glued in facts, whatever it takes to help the information to stick.
We will be doing these lapbooks for American History, Science, and Art. It is a nice blend of facts and hands on work.
Caitlyn and Sue will continue with handwriting, hopefully cursive for both. Patrice will start with printing. We will also continue with Explode the Code for phonics and Fred for math with Sue and Patrice. Caitlyn will be working with Teaching Textbooks for math.
Patrice will begin with learning the last few of her letters, Bob books, and then Life of Fred early readers. Sue, Caitlyn, and I will chose their books based on level and interest. Right now Caitlyn is working on the Cupcake Diaries and Sue the Critter Club. We picked them up at Costco today. Quietest trip ever through the store as they had their noses buried in the books. I kept having to tell Sue to be careful or she would get clobbered by another shopper, but honestly, I was more than willing to keep my eyes open for her if it kept her reading!!!
We will also continue with our beloved co-op where I will be teaching for the first time–Heroes of the Faith. Caitlyn will be in the 4-6 grade group, Sue the 1-3 grade and Patrice Kindergarten.
I am very excited about our coming year.
What do you look forward to with your kids? What do you like to see them learning/excelling in?
Patrice is 5 today. Five.
In some ways that makes me 5 as well. Five years ago mental illness invaded me first as baby blues, then postpartum depression and anxiety with a psychotic episode. And it never went away.
My therapist said I should look at all the good times during those 5 years. And I try, and succeed, pretty often. But every good time was against the landscape of mental illness. Me trying to cope. Me trying to learn to live. Me trying to live.
Patrice has grown from a little baby.
To an amazing 5 year old who loves fiercely, can add up to 5, can’t wait to learn to read, crazy cute and oh so funny. Amazing.
The years have been sweet. The years have been hard. But we are here to celebrate them together. My Patrice and I.