Right now I am writing on here, working on an anthology submission, facebooking, and helping my daughter makes pancakes. It’s all working together quite easily.
But it won’t soon. I just took my morning handful of medications. And soon the fog will roll in. I will go from easily doing many things, to barely focusing on one thing as I struggle to think and stay awake through the fog.
And my frustration will build, because in moments of clarity, I know I’m not who I used to be. My brain moves so much slower than it used to. It is like moving through a mud bog in a fog.
Even my therapist agrees I am on a lot of medications and their goal is to flatten my moods which in turn, slows me down. So I am at a crawl. Knowing there were thoughts there that I wanted to express but they are gone. Or they are fragments of their former selves, no longer having meaning.
But, I know I can’t go without the meds. I accidentally ran out of one last week because they pharmacy had to order it. On day two, things were starting to splinter. I knew no matter how much I wanted to get rid of that medication, it had a job that I needed it to do.
So here I sit, in the fog moving through the mud with a great deal of frustration.
Survive til you Thrive!
