I know I have written this before, but it is a constantly evolving idea and concept for me. I am guessing I am not alone.
Depression and Faith. It’s complicated.
Depression. I can’t pray it away. I can’t read my Bible enough to get it to go away. I can’t go to church enough to will it away.
Trust me. I’ve tried.
The hardest part isn’t any of those things.
I understand that, for me, depression requires medication, exercise, social support, and many manners of self-care.
That still isn’t the hardest part.
The hardest part is the cloud that falls over my faith. There is a darkness in an area I would expect to find hope and light. Suddenly, where prayer normally brings such joy and encouragement it, it now brings frustration and a hollow feeling. My faith now feels suffocating and false. I know what I believe, and I still believe it, but there is no comfort left there.
I am left mourning two things–the darkness of the depression and the darkness over my faith.
I continue on, seeking hope and healing through the things that help in the natural world, and the things I know to be true in the heavenly world.
It’s all there. I embrace it all, but it’s complicated.