Oh my friend, I have so much to say to you, so much in my heart, but I am so afraid it will come out all wrong.
Today, I held a miracle. Your new baby. Yes, I know all babies are miracles, I send three to bed in my own home every night, but yours, oh yours. He is a miracle.
I believe all babies are prayed for–as you know I pray for all babies I know about—but 10 years, not all are special enough to get 10 years of prayers. I almost cried while holding him this morning, I am crying now, at having held the answer to 10 years of prayers today.
God is so faithful. In the darkest moments, the hardest struggle, God is so faithful.
As someone said on your Facebook today, motherhood looks good on you. God created you for this role–the good days, the hard days, He created you for all of it.
There is very little, if any, advice you need. And you are wise enough to ask when you have questions. You may not have worn the formal cloak of motherhood for long, but you taught me something today and for that I thank you. You taught me to give my moment to moment concerns to God–as we talked about checking to see if they breathing, something mothers for generations have done and anguished over, you reminded me we can give even that to God. I needed that reminder. Thank you.
I know there is no advice I NEED to give you, but there is something on my heart. You will, and probably have, heard a lot to enjoy this time because it goes so fast. I took that so much to heart that I cried when they lifted Caitlyn up on my chest for the very first time; up until this point, she had been all mine. But now, now people would expect me to share her and expect me to groom her to grow up and leave me. I had my first panic attack about her growing up and leaving me when she was 8 weeks old. I was standing in the store, my first time away from her, hyperventilating because she was already so old.
It really didn’t get better from there. I spent the next four years growing and having babies. And having people tell me to enjoy this time because they grow so fast. I was comfortable in my role as a mama of young, young babies. I felt like I could handle it. But what about what came next. That brought only terror.
I loved being a nursing, cloth diapering mama.
What if I didn’t love what came next?
Thing is, what came next, was coming, was here…and I still loved it. I slowly loosened my grip on what I saw myself as good at and put my eyes on my children and who they were…and I let myself breathe.
Yes, those early days went quickly–how else do you explain that I am days from my first baby turning 10 and my youngest baby turning 6? But the thing is–these ages are amazing too.
My girls like to take walks with me. They seek me out to tell me about their day. Each one has embraced homeschooling with me.
Each of my amazing girls have interests of their own–Caitlyn loves to craft and do. Sue is my social butterfly. She loves people and cuddles. Patrice is a talker who knows her own mind like nobodys business. Caitlyn learns like I do, Sue takes in info like her daddy, and Patrice is still learning how to best absorb her studies. Each of them blesses my heart in how they learn about and follow after God. My heart bursts to hear them sing about the Lord, tell me their AWANA lessons, and pray for others. The hardest part of their spiritual walk for me is following the Lords’ leading to pray for Him to send one of them to Asia for His kingdom. I still want to keep them close but He is teaching me to let them grow.
My heart cry for you and I as mothers, is to take joy and comfort in watching them grow. Yes, the early days go quickly–but they are amazing and the days that come after them are just as, if not more, amazing–and the Lord has given us a front row seat. We are standing right in front of the canvas of their lives watching the Lord choose the colors as He paints His masterpiece in our beloved children.
That is truly amazing.