Over the Sink

Tonight I stood over the sink crying.

Yesterday, I sat in a car praying I would not be sick all over myself.

I’ve lost a pound this week, not the way you are supposed to.

Sick. Sick. Sick.

I’m 98% sure it is due to a recent dose increase on one of my meds.  I vaguely remember being sick like this when I first started lithium 5 years ago.  I refuse to remember how long being this sick last.

Lithium is one of my mainstays.  It has kept me solid and steady like no other, but I kid you not, I am *this* close to calling the doctor tomorrow and throwing in the towel.

I am a grumpy, wimpy mess when I am this sick.  I do not soldier on well.

Well, that’s not entirely true…Caitlyn was looking forward to our run today so I gathered up all my courage and we pounded out 3.1 miles.  When we started running together, just a month ago, I could do a decent job of pulling away from her in mile 2 and 3.  Not today.  I could get a few paces ahead, but she took over the stride right away.  I no longer sound like a dying cow while running the first mile and she no longer gets lost behind me.  We’ve both gotten stronger.  I can’t believe our first 5k together is just 6 days away.  We are both pretty excited.

I made it to the last cross country meet of the season yesterday.

Both girls did very well.  It was amazing to see their progress since we started this in August.

Caitlyn was looking forward to our run today so I gathered up all my courage and we pounded out 3.1 miles.  When we started running together, just a month ago, I could do a decent job of pulling away from her in mile 2 and 3.  Not today.  I could get a few paces ahead, but she took over the stride right away.  I no longer sound like a dying cow while running the first mile and she no longer gets lost behind me.  We’ve both gotten stronger.  I can’t believe our first 5k together is just 6 days away.  We are both pretty excited.

I did my best to get through today, and I think did a decent job, went running, went pumpkin picking as a family, I pressed on.  But the reserves are pretty depleted.  And I am kind of freaking out.  What if a night’s sleep doesn’t get me ready for tomorrow?  How will I wrangle three little girls?  How will I get us to piano lessons?

Every day is so full.

Good, but full.

 

Survive til you Thrive!

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