Monthly Archives: April 2017

Runner Bucket List

I remember when I took up running–eeking out those first few steps on the Wii Fit.  They were hard.  And worth it.

It is still hard.  And still worth it.

When I ran those first steps, I never dreamed how important running would become to me.  I never dreamed how the Lord would use it to teach me about Himself.  How He would use it every day to remind me what a powerful, loving, constant God He is.

Last night, I put a few of my thoughts in a video.  It is not very flattering of me, but honestly, it is meant to be flattering toward God, not toward me.

 

Those thoughts, about the Lord and the gift He has given me goes through my mind at least once on every run.  Today,  I formed a few other thoughts that I would never have even thought to piece together when I was taking those first steps in running.  I started to think about Running Bucket Lists.

I started with a 5k.  Next, I did a 10k.  Followed by running across the Mackinac Bridge.  Next month I am going to do my first 10k in a long time to celebrate my Birthday, and then in June, I am so excited to be running a 10k on Mackinac Island.  I suspect the crowning jewel in my running adventures will be a half marathon in September.  Nestled in there is something I never considered doing, but now think every runner should do at least once–a marathon relay race.

Today I had the privilege to run the 4th leg out of 5 with a group of women.  It was extremely nerve-wracking leading up to the race to have other people depending on how well I did, but ultimately, it pushed me to train harder and then definitely run harder during my leg earlier this morning.

Turns out I ran so hard I popped a blood vessel in my eye, but it was worth it.

Raising Me

I hate the Bipolar.  I hate the anxiety.  I hate what it does to me.  I hate how it makes me feel and act.  I hate it.

I don’t want this for my girls.  I don’t want them to feel a single second of it.  And yet, sometimes anxiety does hit Caitlyn.

Monday was one of those nights.

We have been thinking for a long time that Patrice would be really good at gymnastics.  And Caitlyn has been dying to learn how to do a cartwheel.  The big day finally came Monday.  I made preparations last week and Monday we headed off to lessons.

And the anxiety hit.  Me–because I managed to forget the paperwork I had so carefully done, at home.  Caitlyn–because she didn’t know anyone there and didn’t know what to do when.

Patrice was excited from the get-go, but Caitlyn admitted later that she just wanted to go home.  I saw her anxiety.  I saw her fear.  What I tried not to see was me.  I did not want to see Caitlyn immobilized by her emotions.  I also saw her bravery.  She kept going.  She put one foot in front of the other.  She worked to find out what she was supposed to be doing and where she was supposed to be.  She didn’t give up.

As I saw her go from activity to activity, I saw her nail biting lessen.  I saw her paying more and more attention to what was going on around her and less and less attention to what was going on inside of her.  And my anxiety decreased.

Once again, I was able to tell myself I am not raising a daughter who will be immobilized by anxiety.  I am not raising me.

Every Step

Sunday I did a 5k.  It was special in several ways.

The biggest?  It was the first race my family was at since I ran the Mackinaw Bridge race about 5 years ago.  Patrice was a baby at the time and while she will always be the baby of the family, at 6 years old, she is definitely no longer a baby.  My girls even made me a post to cheer me on.  It is fantastic, but it shows their reals names, so it has been cropped out of this picture.

 

The next amazing thing was the opportunity to run across the 50-yard line at the University of Michigan when I reached the finish line.

I am also still giddy over setting a personal record for a 5k Sunday.  I ran my fastest mile ever at 11 minutes and 40 seconds and overall time of 39 minutes 5 seconds.  I still feel like a rockstar.

And it is all to the glory of God.  He brought be from a wheelchair to pushing my body to see how far and how fast it can go…just because I can.

I am so thankful for what He has done in my life.

Grief By Surprise

I was minding my own business today.  Really, I was.  And a simple status update brought me up short.

A friend posted a fun list of questions about how well does an adult daughter know her dad.  It would seem she knows hers well.  The first question asked, “if you dad is sitting in front of the tv, what is he watching?”  One of her answers was YouTube.

It got me to thinking, what would my dad be watching…well, not much.  He wasn’t much to watch tv.  He was a workaholic so about all he did in front of the tv was either sleep or fall asleep just before the weather on the 11 o’clock news…and wake up as soon as the weather was done.

I think his favorite feature on a smartphone would have been looking up the weather or watching repair videos on YouTube.  But alas, his method for looking up repair procedures was the old Chilton Books (do they even still make those?).  I remember when it was time for me to learn how to fix my brakes on my 1982 Buick Skylark…I got my first foray into Chilton Books.

(It would appear the following video is as close as YouTube could get me–it seems most of the videos only get you back to about 1999–now I feel old)

 

Yes, I think he would have loved YouTube, but he died before it was created.  He died July 7, 2004 and YouTube was created February 14, 2005.  They would have been a match made in heaven.

He loved this song and would have loved looking it up to see who was getting the words right!

 

And suddenly, here I am sitting with grief.  Surprised to be wrapped up in thoughts of my dad.  Who he was, who I was, who I am now.  Who my husband is, who my children are.  Who he never met, what he is missing.

I am not overtaken by uncontrollable grief, but there is sadness and a heaviness.