I feel like crap…and that’s pretty much a good thing.
You see, when I am in the depths of depression or heights of mania, I don’t really notice the side effects from my meds and am resigned to whatever health issues I have; I just don’t have the energy to care about them. But right now, things have been stable for a while (hallelujah) and those side effects and health things are making me crazy. I want answers or I want them to go away.
My stomach issues feel like they are out of control. Eating low FODMAP helps some, but is not sustainable. It is too restrictive and not intended for for long-term nutrition. And yet, here I am, unable to comfortably add foods back in for more than a handful of days. And now, the issues seem to be spreading–sweets are a no-no, eating a normal size meal is a no-no, fats in the food seem to be a no-no. I swear, instead of getting better, things are getting worse.
In spite of all this, and exercising, I am gaining weight. Big fat boo. And way dizzier than I should be.
I never used to understand why people would go off their meds. Honestly, I was so happy with the relief from the depression and mania, I was willing to suffer anything. Now that I have that relief, I get it. I really get it.
I want both. To feel good mentally and physically.
Toward this end, I am keeping a food journal to take to my family doctor to see where we head next and I am going to talk to my psych in a couple weeks.
I am going to fight for both.
In the meantime, I am very, very thankful the Bipolar is stable right not. Very thankful. It is such a gift after years and years of not being stable. I couldn’t be happier about that. It is just now time to work on the physical and see how great things can really be!!