This morning, the girls and I woke up at our own pace. This morning they are eating their cereal while watching tv before getting dressed and starting their schoolwork. This morning, we will head off on a field trip to learn about the systems of the body.
Not tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow morning we will wake up to an alarm clock, before dark. Tomorrow morning there will be no leisure. Tomorrow morning, and for the next two weeks, our mornings will be go, go, go as mama takes another step in trying to get healthier on this journey with bipolar disorder.
For the next two work weeks I will be heading to a partial hospitalization program to learn dialectical behavior therapy, also known as DBT.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a specific type of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy developed in the late 1980s by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan to help better treat borderline personality disorder. Since its development, it has also been used for the treatment of other kinds of mental health disorders.*
I wish I could tell you more, but I don’t know a whole lot more. I know there will be worksheets to fill out, therapy groups to participate in, and daily psychiatrist appointments all with the goals of helping me better navigate my life with bipolar disorder.
I am scared. I am nervous about leaving my house that often, I am worried about getting the girls and I around, them dropped off to the amazing group of women willing to take on my kids for these two weeks, and me to the hospital program. I am worried it won’t work. I am worried that I will not come out any better than I am. I’m worried the grip of the depression will continue as it has for the last several months, I am worried I will let down my doctors, friends, and family that are so hopeful.
I am walking in this program with a lot of baggage. But walking in I am. I plan to give this program all I have over the next two weeks. I plan to invest in not only myself, but all those who believe in me. I have no idea what Tuesday morning holds for me, but here I come…