Category Archives: blogging

My Voice

I begin to get upset and obsess over little things when the depression starts to woo me and pull at me.

And when I say little, I mean little.  Like today I felt horrible because I’m not a funny blogger.  I decided that must be why a blogging friend didn’t ask me to guest post.  Le sigh.  Who cares, right?  I mean, dudes, I am barely keeping up with my own writing!!  But nonetheless, I stew.  And stew and stew.  I go round and round in my head.

At the same time I worried that my writing didn’t matter. I’m  not entertaining anyone with my wit and I’m not helping anyone with my candor.

So again, I stew.  Thankfullly, I have a great group of people around me.  I mentioned some of my ruminations to a friend.  She, and another, told me my writing did matter.  And another friend, reallly made it real, when she told me I had to tell my story.  It is my testimoney that no one else can tell.  I talk about the pain and depression when maybe others would stay quiet. (Like right now when I would rather keep my petty silliness to myself, yet here I am, writing it.)

“Embrace who you are, the good, the bad, your strengths and weaknesses….  Your life is a testimony, even the parts you think are insignificant.”

She’s right, you know.  My story, all of it, is mine.  Maybe you need to hear it, maybe someone else does, I don’t know, but here I am writing it.

What do you need to share?  What does someone else need to hear from you?  Write it, say it, own it, celebrate it.

 

 

*This post is dedicated to the many amazing women and bloggers I know.

Ten Random Things About Me

When you’re not sure what to blog…Go Random…

1.  I am 4 ft 9 1/2 inches tall.  Yup, I am shorter than you :)

2.  I have never dyed my hair.  I’m too vain.  I am proud my hair is still as blonde as it is and had a lady tell her hairdresser, “I want her color.”

3.  My music choices are very eclectic.  I love classic hymns, P!nk, Kenny Rogers, Florence + the Machine, musicals, Coldplay.  My daughters now dance and know the words to “Raise Your Glass” (clean version).

4.  My hubby is my dream spouse.  I might whine at times, but he is my prince charming.

5.  I have an English degree, used to be an Interpreter for the Hearing Impaired, missionary and sold Pampered Chef.  One of my first jobs was counting worms for a bait shop.

6.  I bought a horse when I was 13.  Sold it when I was 14.  Bought a 1o speed bike.

7.  I know how many CDs/games you can put in a Wii console before it breaks.  Yup, 4.  Getting them all out does not guarantee it will work.  Final results pending.

8.  I am addicted to social media, ie twitter and blogging.  Seriously,  I check it if I wake up at night.  It always makes me smile to get a blog comment, though I am glad to have a plug in that now controls the spam.

9.  I am learning a lot from social media about how different people can be and still care about, even love each other.  I have to say my world was pretty small before twitter.  Most of the people in my life thought like me, acted like me, believed like me.  That is no longer the case, and that is okay.  Thank you for opening my eyes.

10.  My youngest mimics daddy and tries to talk in slow motion like he does when trying to be funny.  And she does a killer lion noise that starts with a great growl.

 

 

Hear my Heart at Butterfly Confessions

The lovely and talented A’Driane has invited me to guest post today at her blog.  A’Driane and I met via twitter and and #ppdchat where she is the always real and encouraging @addyeB. 

A’Driane does an amazing weekly post called Self Care Saturdays.  I was originally going to write for that, but as you’ll see, my post, well, moved a little out of that realm.

It was hard to write and I don’t anticipate it being easy to read.  It is where I am, broken, but trying to get whole.  Surviving til I’m thriving.

 

Guest Posting for Mental Health Mondays

Please join me at

As I tell part of my journey with postpartum depression and where I am now…learning, growing, surviving til I’m thriving.

Let me know if you are looking for guests posts.  I am working on getting the message out there about depression, but also have cute kids to share, crafts, projects, and recipes.

 

Running Like Crazy

UPDATE–I FINISHED THE WHOLE CHALLENGE A DAY EARLY!!!!!!!

I know it has been quiet here on the blog…

As you may know from twitter and facebook, I have been running, and crunching and pushing up and biking and insanitying like crazy.  All in the name of a fitness challenge…I know I keep talking about it.  I love it,  but man, it is taking up a lot of time lately.  Thankfully my dear hubby is very supportive of my fitness work.  He has done most of the parenting and family stuff so I can run, ride, crunch, all of it.  Only 2 1/2 more days. 

300 crunches, 5 miles running and 72 minutes other activity (Insanity workout) to go…It is a crazy balmy day for the first day of winter here in the mitten so I am even hoping to get outside to run tonight.  I don’t prefer running in the dark, but I don’t want to miss the chance to be able to say I ran outside in the mitten the week of Christmas.

So please bear with me for a few more days as all I talk about is working out…

I promise I will share pictures of our Christmas tree, as soon as we get a computer up and running at home…

Merry Christmas!

Why I Blog

Have you ever had someone ask you why you do something, and you just can’t answer?  I have.  Typically, the reason I can’t answer is I am too emotionally tied to the subject and get defensive rather than having a conversation.

Recently, I have been asked why I blog.  This is one of those topics I can not answer coherently.  I get too angry and hurt to put words together.  My part of the communication tends to be just glares, sighs and frowns. Helpful, huh?

Someone suggested I try to put it in words, even better, in a blog post.  Here goes nothing and everything.

I am shocked to see I have posted over 300 times since I started this blog.  In the beginning, I blogged because I had friends who did and wanted to be able to promote their blog via mine, if anyone came by to visit me.  And my kids are cute, so I wanted to share pictures and thoughts about them.  And, here’s the deep reason, I loved reading people’s blogs and most commenting places have a line for your blog address, and I felt inferior not to have one.

I took the plunge and put this blog together on blogger.  I really enjoyed sharing slices of our life.  And I loved writing again.  I have an English and Journalism degree that doesn’t get used much where I work.  Having an outlet for my words felt so good.

Then, postpartum depression hit.  With an evil vengence.  And though I actually started writing less on my blog, as I went internal to try and deal with all that was going on, I did keep sharing.  And in those posts I tried to journal fun, happy memories.  My blog forced me to search for the bright moments in my day and life.  Times I was doing okay by my girls.  It forced me to see positives when my natural bent was to tear myself down continuously.  And that was even before I had shared about the postpartum depression.

The Lord used my blog to force me to search for the good, even pushed me to do fun things with my girls so I would have positive things to blog about.  Even in my darkest time I could see Him doing that.  And He lead me to a great blog hop, Saturday Snapshots at An Ordinary Mom.  It had nothing to do with the depression, it had nothing to do with my hurting, but for some reason it grabbed my heart.  I looked forward to sharing my pictures each week in that linky.

At Christmas, it came time for me to share the journey of postpartum depression.  I was starting to see some improvement and decided I would tell my story in hopes of helping someone else.  So I put it out there.  And a friend has used some of my writing to educate other medical residents she works with about postpartum depression.  I am hoping there are other times it has helped someone, times I may never know about.

Over the last year there have been many ups and downs with postpartum depression.  I have shared as my heart is able. And I have found help and encouragement in the blogosphere.  I have also found a voice and a value in this journey of postpartum depression. 

As I heal, I have found a little more need for time with my thoughts, to sort them out, to put them out there.  I continue to be a little more pensive in my day-to-day.  I need to think, to process like never before.  My blog is that place.  It is my few moments in the day to clear my head. To sort out my thoughts, to regather energy for the other people and activities in my life.

As my header says, there are joys and challenges in every life.  This is my place to share some of that.

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

I can’t resist the invitation to share a little about my blog.  I honestly don’t think I have done that previously, as my blog has evolved as I write.  It started as a fun place to write and promote other blogs.  I have some very talented friends and wanted to show them off here.  And it was a fun place to share memories of what we as a family are doing.  Sometimes I do a sewing project I am happy with, so I started sharing that.  Then there was my pregnancy and birth of Patrice.  I couldn’t stop myself from talking about that if I wanted to!  And then I got hit with postpartum depression after she was born and I have tried to use my blog as a place to share my journey in hopes of helping other mamas.  I also enjoy sharing what the Lord has done or is doing in our lives.  I have found blogging to be challenging and encouraging.  Won’t you join me on the journey and check out other blogs at the Ultimate Blog Party?

Welcome to my 1 year Anniversary Post!!!!

I am sitting here wishing I had something totally fun and profound for my 1 year anniversary post, but I got nuthin’!  Yup, a lot of  nuthin’.

I am ever so thankful for blogging.  It started as a fun hobby to share pictures and random thoughts and support some blogging friends.  It has become so much more.  I have “met” some fantastic people through blogging.  And gained some amazing prayer support from those other bloggers. 

The Lord has also used the blogging mightily as I walk through postpartum depression.  It was one of the things that became a struggle to continue to do as I withdrew into my darkness, but also became a path back into the light.  It started with the Saturday Snapshots over on An Ordinary Mom’s blog and from there I found other blog hops for inspiration and ideas.  I will be forever indebted to these bloggers and the encouragement they were to me.

Blogging has also become my way to share some information.  While I was expecting Patrice, I shared some information about breech presentation babies.  I am hoping it helps other mamas if they end up in a similar situation and then when I decided I would share about the PPD, I hope other mamas will find my posts and maybe it will help them walk through the darkness.  I have benefitted greatly from encouragement from others in the on-line world and hope I can contribute the same for others.

Overall, I see this blog as something the Lord has used in my life and I hope He will use it for His glory as I continue sharing here.

Many blessings to you on my blogaversary!

Things About Me and An Award!

I was surprised to realize today I am at 150+ blog posts.  That is fun to think about.  And I found out I got an award from a fellow blogger.  Please check out her lovely blog.

The Rules of Acceptance:

1. Link back to the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass it along to 7 other stylish bloggers.
4. Contact those bloggers and tell them about their award.


Hmmmm, 7 things about myself…I look forward, when I am expecting a baby, to labor.  No, I don’t exactly enjoy the pain, but I love how empowered I feel once I am holding our new daughter.  My health has not always been good and I often was not able to do things, it felt like my body failed me often.  Having our girls has renewed my faith in my body.  I have a strength to tackle new things that I never had before. 
I feel like I failed for using any pain medication during my labors.  I had an epidural 12 hours into my first labor.  I was so disappointed, and was much more determined with my next to use no medications whatsoever.  Then I have to say, the pain of labor was, wow.  And I took a shot of sta-dol.  I was very pleased with how Sue’s labor went, but really yearned to go through labor without any medication at all.  As soon as I found out I was expecting Patrice, I began to prepare myself for labor. I exercised, stressed to my midwife I did not want any meds and mentally worked through it.  But once labor started, I found I could not get a break in between contractions.  I was getting no control over the contractions and was wasting energy yelling instead of using the power and pain to bring our baby into the world.  I finally agreed to a partial shot of Nubain.  They couldn’t give me all of it as Patrice’s heartrate started dropping so they stopped.  But it was enough to allow me to rest for a moment before the next contraction engulfed me.  It did what it was supposed to, but I feel like I failed.  I wish I could change things.  Or at least forgive myself for the meds.
I want to some day start a cloth diaper service.  Sounds a little weird since I failed at my first attempt at using cloth diapers, but we are almost 6 months into using them this time.  There is no cloth diaper service in our area and I think one is greatly needed.
I am addicted to Twitter.  I am loving the sense of community it gives.  I am often encouraged by other women’s tweets.  I am even doing a Proverbs reading project with other ladies on there.  We read on chapter a day, to match the date of the month.
I have been looking on Craigslist for cross country skiis or snowshoes.  I need to lose 25 lbs in order to fit the snowshoes that are the right size for me.  I am short so need kid ones, but weigh too much for them.  It is my goal to be the right weight by next winter.
I am hoping to do a half marathon in a year.  I was up to running 6 miles at a time before my pregnancy with Patrice.  I am back up to 4 miles now, but still have a ways to go!!!  Feel free to ask me how I am doing to keep me accountable.
I am too vain to color my hair.  It is still blonde for the most part, kind of a honey blonde.  I am afraid it will change if I highlight it or color it, so I don’t.  For now that works for me, I wonder how I will feel when I get silver or grey blended in there????
Now for 7 other blogs.  I enjoy

Multitude Mondays #46 Blogging Community

Here we are at another Monday and my heart is searching for those things for which I am thankful.  It’s not that I have any shortage of things to be thanking the Lord.  On the contrary, He has been abundantly good in the ease and struggles of life.  Rather, I am looking for variety, but I find in this season of life I am dwelling on just a few things.  I am dwelling on survival and protection.  My survival as I deal with postpartum depression and protecting my children from my ups and downs.  I want them to thrive, not survive.  I want them to be blessed throughout this experience and I want them to know they are loved.  I will walk through whatever I must for them.
But the Lord has not left me in this journey alone.  I have my amazing husband, my wonderful midwife, my family, friends and the blogging community.  For a time I withdrew from much socialization, including the electronic world.  Life was just too heavy; I am slowly coming out of that.  And in my baby steps, I have found the amazing support of the blogging and twitter community.  I am often led to blog posts that encourage me at just the moment I need them.  Today was one such day.  Through someone’s retweet on twitter I found this post. I was drawn to it because it is about my life verse, Psalm 68:19–How glorious is our Lord who daily bears our burdens and has become our salvation.  And today I needed it. 

I had 6 good days in a row and was ready to declare victory over the depression, but it snuck up and got me again. And within moments I found that post.  It was just what I needed.  The author and I started chatting on twitter and she sent me a link to this post.  It expressed much that I have not yet put into words.  I appreciate her writing and insights very much. 

Now let me veer a little bit from my train of thought to mention, my depression manifest differently than some.  I do not struggle to function, rather I struggle with slowing down.  I find I must be busy all the time.  I cannot bear to have time on my hands.  This works well for a household with three small children. **I only mention this in case there are other people like me who are dealing with depression but find they are overly energetic.  That can still be a sign of depression and can be challenging.

Back to my regularly scheduled train of thought…

Other bloggers have blessed me immensely as I walk in the woods and the meadows of depression.  I cannot begin to mention them all but I do want to talk about two ladies, Ali at An Ordinary Mom and Kristen at We are THAT Family.  I just love both of these blogs.  An Ordinary Mom hosts a weekly snapshot post on Saturdays.  I am having a lot of fun looking for times to take pictures of my lovely girls.  It is fun now and I know will be a treasure when they are grown.  We are THAT family has blessed me with the Mercy House Kenya ministry.  I have worked on a couple things for them which have nicely filled my need to be busy.  *Remember, I will soon be asking you to help and get involved by donating supplies for this ministry.  I also enjoy Kristen’s Works for Me Wednesday blog hop.  It gives me an outlet of thought that does not involve the depression and for that I am very thankful.

I am also thankful for this blog hop I have been doing on Mondays, Multitude Monday at A Holy Experience.

I invite to go to Ann’s post and those of so many others who are choosing, as I am, to be thankful.  Won’t you join us?