Have you ever had someone ask you why you do something, and you just can’t answer? I have. Typically, the reason I can’t answer is I am too emotionally tied to the subject and get defensive rather than having a conversation.
Recently, I have been asked why I blog. This is one of those topics I can not answer coherently. I get too angry and hurt to put words together. My part of the communication tends to be just glares, sighs and frowns. Helpful, huh?
Someone suggested I try to put it in words, even better, in a blog post. Here goes nothing and everything.
I am shocked to see I have posted over 300 times since I started this blog. In the beginning, I blogged because I had friends who did and wanted to be able to promote their blog via mine, if anyone came by to visit me. And my kids are cute, so I wanted to share pictures and thoughts about them. And, here’s the deep reason, I loved reading people’s blogs and most commenting places have a line for your blog address, and I felt inferior not to have one.
I took the plunge and put this blog together on blogger. I really enjoyed sharing slices of our life. And I loved writing again. I have an English and Journalism degree that doesn’t get used much where I work. Having an outlet for my words felt so good.
Then, postpartum depression hit. With an evil vengence. And though I actually started writing less on my blog, as I went internal to try and deal with all that was going on, I did keep sharing. And in those posts I tried to journal fun, happy memories. My blog forced me to search for the bright moments in my day and life. Times I was doing okay by my girls. It forced me to see positives when my natural bent was to tear myself down continuously. And that was even before I had shared about the postpartum depression.
The Lord used my blog to force me to search for the good, even pushed me to do fun things with my girls so I would have positive things to blog about. Even in my darkest time I could see Him doing that. And He lead me to a great blog hop, Saturday Snapshots at An Ordinary Mom. It had nothing to do with the depression, it had nothing to do with my hurting, but for some reason it grabbed my heart. I looked forward to sharing my pictures each week in that linky.
At Christmas, it came time for me to share the journey of postpartum depression. I was starting to see some improvement and decided I would tell my story in hopes of helping someone else. So I put it out there. And a friend has used some of my writing to educate other medical residents she works with about postpartum depression. I am hoping there are other times it has helped someone, times I may never know about.
Over the last year there have been many ups and downs with postpartum depression. I have shared as my heart is able. And I have found help and encouragement in the blogosphere. I have also found a voice and a value in this journey of postpartum depression.
As I heal, I have found a little more need for time with my thoughts, to sort them out, to put them out there. I continue to be a little more pensive in my day-to-day. I need to think, to process like never before. My blog is that place. It is my few moments in the day to clear my head. To sort out my thoughts, to regather energy for the other people and activities in my life.
As my header says, there are joys and challenges in every life. This is my place to share some of that.