Our Giggles & GrimacesA place to share the joys and challenges of our little, but growing, family. Life with three girls, ages 5, 4 and 1 year, is a joy most of the time. But, there are challenges to every life and this is my place to share some of that.
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Category Archives: daddy
We’ve been up since 5:30 this morning. Sue woke up sick. And thus ended our night. Daddy got up to help me, but I couldn’t settle back to sleep.
We were early risers today, but my daddy was always an early riser. Most of my growing up years he owned and operated a sawmill. He always said the best part of being your own boss was you could choose which 12 hours of the day you wanted to work. Most days he chose 12+ hours.
But every night he came in to watch the eleven o’clock news. He wanted to see the weather. Every night he would fall asleep at the commercial break just before the weather and wake up as soon as the report finished. Every.Night.
My daddy was a walking miracle. He really was.
He worked as a welder before he started the sawmill. One day at work, when I was five or six, he was run over by a hi-lo at work. It narrowly missed his head. Very narrowly. He had to have back surgery and as part of it they fused two discs together. He could not bend his back for a year following the surgery. And he followed the rules. He got very good at squatting down to do things. I remember so clearly his squatting down to pick strawberries in the patch we had along the fence. Seriously people, I can see it in my mind’s eye like it was yesterday.
I took my girls strawberry picking this year for the first time. We had a great time going out on a train ride, picking strawberries, having cider and donuts and playing on these huge wooden play structures. I wish my daddy could have seen it.
There is no end to the things I wish he could see. But most of all, I wish I could let go of the regret and guilt I have over the years I lost with my daddy. There were so many times I went up north to visit my mom and didn’t go to his place. There were so many holidays I should have called, but I didn’t know exactly what to say. I would give anything to do those lost years over.
But I can’t. So please forgive me as a few times a year I pour out my memories and regrets here, please forgive my attempts to salve my guilty conscience. I loved him so much, but I lost a few years. And now he’s gone. Nine years gone.
It’s a nice sunny day. I spent some time working on school studies with the girls and then we got invited to the park. We had a lot of fun.
The olders are now at a friends’ house playing while Patrice and I hang at home.
I heard the door open a few minutes ago and thought they had come home. But instead, Patrice came running in with a box. Apparently she is now accepting packages on my behalf. Turns out there were two boxes.
In it I found items from my grandparents. My dads’ parents. My dad died almost 9 years ago, his dad died almost 3 years ago and my grandma passed away this last Christmas.
And here was the last of the things I would receive from them. There were pictures dating back to when I was in second grade, my moms’ first Bible that she was given in 1971, news clippings about my parents and a myriad of lovely Christmas ornaments.
I am thrilled to have every bit of it. Can’t wait to show the contents to my hubby, but again, these are the last items I will receive connected to them or my dad. My grandparents won’t be in the house right around the corner from my dads’ grave. They’ll be lovingly buried next to him.
And for this I mourn.
Not only am I sad my grandparents are gone, but somehow their deaths make my dad feel even more gone.
He wasn’t at my wedding, but they were.
He didn’t meet Caitlyn, but they did.
He never held Cana, but they did.
He never had pictures of Patrice, but grandma did.
They are gone. My daddy is gone. My heart is weighed down.
A friend posted a very poignant reminder that this weekend is not about barbecues, and may I add, mattress sales, rather it is about remembering those who are no longer with us.
It is about remembering soldiers, and public safety workers who protect us.
It is about remembering family who is no longer here.
This long weekend, Tuesday actually, they will hold my grandma’s memorial service. Her soul went to heaven months ago, but now her body joins that of her husband of decades and her only born son, my dad.
All my love to those who will be there for the service and to grandma, grandpa and daddy.
The last week and a half has been full of too much death.
On a national level, Annette Funicello, Margaret Thatcher, those attacked by cowards at the Boston Marathon, George Beverly Shea, and on a personal level, a long-time bus driver from my growing up years and a long-time coworker from my previous job.
And this stirs up feelings of loss from my dad’s death almost 9 years ago. My sister posted a picture on facebook of our dad with her kids. It came up in my timeline today. I saw his amazing eyes amidst all his bushy hair and my heart stopped. And honestly, it doesn’t feel like it has restarted.
My dad died just after I got engaged to my husband. He didn’t see my wedding, he hasn’t met any of my girls. I have talked about him some. He’s known as my dead dad. Every time we make a chocolate cake, my dad’s favorite, Sue asks if it’s for my dead dad. I tell her no, except on a few special days, but I think from now on, the answer will be yes.
Here’s our latest creation daddy.
My aunt, my dad’s sister, once reminded me, the best tribute to my dad, and what he would want me to do, would be to live my life, and I have, but today, I pause, for him and for the many who have died recently and for those who loved them. May your memories bring you peace and healing.
I mentioned in my therapy appointment yesterday that today marked 8 years since my dad died. The doctor asked what I was going to do to mark the anniversary. I have to admit, I wasn’t prepared to answer that question. Typically, I’m sad and then mad at my husband because he doesn’t read my mind and comfort me.
Some years I have driven to the grave, but that is impossible this year. The doctor then asked who I could talk to who would share similar memories, so later I will be calling my older sister. We started sharing memories yesterday via facebook and I am looking forward to hearing some of her thoughts on dad. I have more memories from growing up, but she has more of the last years of his life. He walked her down the aisle at her wedding and met all three of her kids. He died 4 months before I got married and never met any of my girls.
But one big way I am marking today? I found a cake recipe on pinterest that is similar to what I used to bake for him, complete with a frosting recipe identical to the one I used.
Happy Anniversary in Heaven Daddy. We miss you!
*The cake isn’t pretty, I almost didn’t post it, but hey Patrice left her mark on it and my daddy wouldn’t have cared he would have dug in. I rarely make cakes, but I think I am going to make this a tradition.
My dad would have been 60 today. But I lost him a little over 7 years ago in a single car crash.
My dad was a hardworking, friendly, outgoing, chocolate cake loving, twizzlers licorice addict.
He was an exacting disciplinarian with high expectations, but you knew what they were. There was no guessing on what would make him happy, what would disappoint him.
I remember as a kid if I wanted to go play at someone’s house, or go do something, that his first question would be, “are your chores done?” It was incredibly rare for him to say I couldn’t do something fun if I could say “yes, all my chores are done.”
And if I paid attention, I could learn to expect other things from him. When I was 13 I bought a horse. My dad expected the horse to be ridden every day, and the stall cleaned each day…It was hard to find time to do both every day, but I quickly learned, if I got up on Sunday’s before church to go ride, my dad would clean the stall out while I rode.
When I got older and started driving, I paid for my own gas. I hated it when my dad would ask to borrow my car, until I figured out that if I said yes, he always returned it full of gas no matter how empty it was when he borrowed it. I started hoping he would borrow my car! And that was when gas was just over a $1 a gallon. If you were still with us daddy, I would let you borrow my car all the time!
I wish he were here for lots of reasons. He would love my girls. I think, while he would think my running was silly, he would also be proud of how far I have come in my journey with Multiple Sclerosis.
I think he always believed in me, even when I thought it meant he didn’t understand what I was going through. I think maybe he could just envision more than I could, past the current challenges, to a stronger future.
And though right now I often feel weak and beaten, it is a stronger future than I often imagined as a child. I have an amazing husband and three incredible girls. The future I always wanted.
Thank you daddy for loving me, for believing in me.
Been thinking about my dad today. He loved Hee Haw and this song.
And on a totally unrelated note, Sunday is my 7th anniversary. Any gift ideas for the hubby? I have no idea what to give him.
As I mentioned, yesterday was 7 years since my dad died in a car accident. Even as I type those words, I fight to believe them. It does not seem like it is possible my strong, healthy, funny dad is gone. It does not seem possible that he was not at my wedding and has not met any of my children.
I have a lot of regrets over some lost time with my dad. There was some time after college where we were quite far apart on several issues. It made conversation hard. I didn’t know how to work through the issues, so I let the 4 hours that separated us be a safe barrier between us. I know why, and my reasons were valid, but I regret it, nonetheless.
But this is not about regret, it is about being grateful. And I am extremely grateful for a conversation I had with my dad exactly 2 weeks before he died.
I had just gotten engaged to the amazing man I now call my hubby. It was a dream come true. And we were making the rounds telling people. I was looking forward to telling my dad.
So I called him one morning on my way to work. I had gotten up very early and was headed into work about 5:30. My dad was also an early riser. Always had been. I thought he was nuts. So that Wednesday morning, I called him to tell him just that! “Dad, I still think your nuts be here I am almost to work too.”
We talked about the engagement, the beginnings of our wedding plans and a few other things I don’t quite remember. But what I do remember is that I hung up the phone feeling very healed. Like things were much better between us
Just two weeks later he was gone, and I was left with my regrets, but also with that one call. That healing call. And for that I am eternally grateful.
That is my 5 minutes writing about what I am grateful. Won’t you join the fun?
The Gypsy Mama hosts this blog party every Friday. She gives a topic for us to write on for 5 minutes, with no editing and no worrying about perfection. In return, she asks we link up and comment on the person’s post linked up before us. It is a great way to cap the busy work week! Head on over…
Today, my funny, smart, cute, charming daughter Sue turns 3. Wow. It seems like yesterday we were living her birth story. But no, yesterday we were putting up Christmas lights and going Black Friday shopping…
And the day before that we were celebrating Sue’s birthday with family at our Thanksgiving Day feast. I have mentioned before, at least once, how wonderful my hubby is. And as great as a husband he is, he is an even better daddy. And he really showed off with Sue’s cake.
The girls have been watching a lot of Dinosaur Train on tv, so somehow Sue decided she wanted a dinosaur cake. Daddy was teasing our friend, who makes wonderful cakes, that it needed to be 3D. Turns out he got to make it a reality. A quick internet search showed him how to make the cake…and the rest had to be caught in pictures…
|Yup, this masterpiece was finished up in our laundry room.|
|Didn’t want the Birthday girl to see the creation!|
Have you ever seen something so cool? I can promise you, nothing you have ever seen was done with more love than this cake was by this special little girls wonderful daddy.
And in honor of my 100th blogpost, I will randomly select one commenter from this post to receive a CD of wonderful, basic sewing patterns. Comments can be made either directly on this post, on the facebook post for this blog entry or in reply to the twitter for this post.