I have a race tomorrow. My first race since the half marathon in September. Tomorrow’s race is a 5k–3.1 miles. The distance is not a worry at all, and yet, I still have nerves.
Will I get up in time? Will I find where they want me to park? Will I remember my shoes? Weird angst.
I’ve had some frustration all day. I don’t know which came first, the all day nerves, or the running a race tomorrow nerves.
Here I am again, going on about running. While asserting this is not a runner’s blog. It’s not…I just so happens that running is the way I deal with most of life.
I have this thing I do in life where I see something, perceive that it is a good idea, take the leap, and then freak out about it.
Over and over and over and over again.
And here I am in freak out zone again.
Not really about the zoo race. I don’t think. Though my nerves are pretty wound up about that. It is more about various projects I have going on.
I am actually done Christmas shopping for my girls. Earliest ever!! But I have taken on helping another family put together a Christmas for their family. I sort of have things organized but I don’t trust the organization I have done, so I fret. A lot. Like feel like I can’t breathe fret. Sit in my car trembling fret. I don’t want to let my friend down and disappoint her kids. It just has to work out.
Yeah, more than a little stressed.
In all of this I am trying to ignore the fact that my second born is turning 10 Tuesday. She is such a little peanut. She’s my little girl that yearns to be so big, so independent, and yet just wants time to be hugged and loved by mommy.
I had decided yesterday there was nothing worth getting up for on Black Friday. And then a little voice asked from the back of the car, “Mommy, where are you going for Black Friday? I think it would be so fun.” She was so eager, I found myself checking ads again and setting my alarm for 5:15 this morning. I half expected her to ignore me when I came down to wake her up, but no, she pretty much bounced up, wide awake.
So out we headed. We purchased a few items at our first stop, a few more at our second stop, then a yummy treat, a few more items at our third store, and one more yummy treat. During that second treat stop I was making an on-line purchase and was pretty intent on what I was doing, next thing I know, she is on my side of the table cuddled up next to me. And I was reminded how important this one-on-one time is to my middle child…as I listened to her plan our Black Friday trip for next year!
No stores kept in the black from our little purchases, but we made a memory and that’s, as they say, priceless. Oh my gosh you guys, that line I just wrote sounds so cheesy, but there are tears in my eyes when I think about how much this morning meant to my little peanut and I. And how I almost missed it.
You guys, I don’t know how to sort it all out. So I guess I am here writing it out trying to understand my emotions and why I get so dang wrapped up in certain thoughts, why I can’t just shrug them off.
So there you go, a glimpse into how my brain is working, or not working, as of late. I’d talk about the really cool fact that I signed up for my 2nd half marathon, but I better not, since this isn’t a runner’s blog. I’ll just sit here amazed that I will run my SECOND half marathon a week after I turn 43. Nope, I won’t mention that.