We started our morning with homemade waffles, and a leisurely time chatting while we ate. Then the girls scattered for a few, waiting me to call them to start their schoolwork. Instead, I walked into the room they were in and yelled, “School’s Canceled. We’re going to the zoo!”
Their faces were priceless, especially Caitlyn’s I wish I had thought to have my camera ready. Then the “Yay!!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you” broke out.
They got dressed quick. And headed to play outside while I figured out what we needed. Once I got organized, Sue came in and started making sandwiches while I got myself around.
Caitlyn stayed outside with Patrice, who had climbed in the car and refused to get out. SHE was GOING to the zoo.
As we were getting ready, I noticed my mood was better, then it was worse, then it was better. It was changing so quickly I couldn’t keep up. I told a friend who walks this road and she said, “yes honey, you are rapid cycling.” We discussed a couple options to help and I chose one.
We finished getting ready and headed to the zoo.
We had fun. Thankfully hubby texted me to warn me there was torrential rain coming so we got into a building just in time. Turns out we even practiced place values in numbers looking at a board of donors. The rain cleared quickly and off we headed again.
And I realized my mind was quiet. The thing with either the depression or the mania, my brain is loud. My thoughts are disjointed and difficult to manage and I am never fully present. I realized today was different, it was quiet. I was really with my kids. I was really at the zoo. I was really here, for the first time in a month.
That thought was bliss.
We spent 4 1/2 hours at the zoo. And it was great. I didn’t yell, there was minimal whining from the girls. It was great!!!
And I learned something very valuable today. It is important to reach out and say exactly what a symptom is. Truly, I thought the confused, tumultuous, incoherent thoughts were just my imagination, a product of me obsessing too much. And the rapid mood changes I was having, I thought, there is no way this is happening. No way. I must be going crazy, maybe I just crave attention. But I asked, and found out it is normal, and there was an answer to help both.
You cannot even imagine how happy that knowledge, and ability to be present, makes me.
If you are living with mental illness, speak up, tell people what is really going on, including the things you consider stupid. You may find they are not only stupid, they are fixable!! Fixable…how long have I suffered not knowing it was fixable. Do yourself a favor, learn from my experience and get the help you need.
The animals were active