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I have Returned 401-410

I took a brief hiatus from the thankful list as my mind whirred and the depression raged on.  As has been mentioned here on my blog, I was hopitalized in March for the depression.  It was the safe and wise place to be.  Thanks to all who prayed for me and cared for our family.

And now I retun to the Multitude Monday list

401 (131).  Tasks at work that I enjoy

402 (132).  Neighbors returning our dog when he roams

403 (133).  A friends’ successful VBAC

404 (134).  Yummy work lunches

405 (135).  A medication adjustment letting me run

406 (136).  Generous family members

407 (137).  People making the best of a bad situation

408 (138).  Sunshine sending vitamin D 🙂

409 (139).  Wonderful doctors

410 (140).  Days of feeling normal

Hodge Podge of Thanks 382 -400

This week’s Multitude Monday’s is going to start with a story about Patrice and climbing and showers and cinnamon rolls.

Yesterday, Patrice woke up with quite the runny nose, so she and I stayed home from church. I hate the thought of being that mom who brings their child to nursery only to make all the other kids sick, so we stayed home. I straightened up the kitchen and then decided to enjoy a leisurely shower.

Patrice is a climber, but I thought I had everything blocked off.

I was wrong.

I come out of my shower refreshed to find a little girl on a chair at the counter, finishing off two, count them two, cinnamon rolls from Ikea, a dum dum sucker she found in her sister’s Valentine’s Day candy bag, and a sleeve of saltine crackers.

She handed me what was left of the rolls and crackers, the sucker, which she had unwrapped and was eating properly, was hers!

My dum dum sucker. I opened it, I'm eating it

That was at about 11:30 am. Patrice did not eat again until 8 pm. All offers of food were turned down!

382 (112). Nice hot showers
383 (113). Little girl surprises after said shower
384 (114). Little girls strong and healthy enough to get into trouble
385 (115). Wonderful weekends meeting new friends
386 (116). Comfortably wearing a size 8 pair of jeans for the first time in 8 years
387 (117). Pretty new shirts
388 (118). Lovely paintings around my home that were painted by my mother-in-law
389 (119). Friends, on-line and in the flesh
390 (120). New projects at work.
391 (121). Understanding new projects at work
392 (122). Meetings at work getting postponed when I am not ready to handle them
393 (123). Yummy cucumber water
394 (124). Worrying about getting my workouts in, rather than getting out of my wheelchair
395 (125). Talking about running 1/2 marathons instead of learning how to walk again after an MS attack
396 (126). Buying me a punching bag for exercise rather than making sure our house is handicap accessible
397 (127). New medications working
398 (128). Side effects subsiding
399 (129). Colorful rice
400 (130). Being able to pray again.

For what are you thankful?

This Week, More Thanks 360-381

This week has to be better than last.  It just has to.  The crying and hiding at work is getting old.  The praying no one talks to me is getting old.

The last few days have been better.  We are almost done raising my medication dose and the last couple days seemed easier with that.  I am praying that is still the case when I am at work and trying to sit still!

In the midst of it all, there is much to be thankful for:


360 (90).  A clean basement.  Brought about by a flood, but it is clean now.

361 (91).  Weather warm enough for running outside.

362 (92).  Girls having fun at a birthday party.

363 (93).  Smiles and giggles from Patrice.

364 (94).  The girls sleeping with their light off at night.

365 (95).  A good sale on some new work clothes.

366 (96).  Being able to buy a size smaller in tops, even a single digit size dress jacket!

367 (97).  A redesigned blog (Thank you Lauren)

368 (98).  Girls being sweet as we volunteered at the food bank.

369 (99).  Husband willing to give time consistently to volunteer.

370 (100).  A good chiropractor.

371 (101).  Headphones to listen to music at work.

372 (102).  Pretty snow.

373. (103).  A car that does well in the snow.

374 (104).  Doctor teaching me how to deal with Caitlyn’s tattling.

375 (105).  Caitlyn asking to spell, I am thankful for my family and our walk.

376 (106).  Sue telling me Friday was a special day because it was loving and caring day.

377 (107).  Cuddles with Sue before work.

378 (108).  Dewy morning smiles from Patrice.

379 (109).  P!ink

380. (110).  Dance parties with my girls.

381 (111).  Mornings that do not include yelling at the girls.

Tired, Angry and Thankful 350-359

I got the best night sleep last night I’ve had in weeks.  Yet, I am so tired I was falling asleep at work.  I wanted to exercise so desperately tonight, but there was too much to be done.  My emotions got the best of me and I became irrationally irate and angry.  I am so thankful for the friends who talked me down.

350 (80). Watching little girls write their names

351 (81).  Little girl tennis shoes

352 (82).  Music, both by professionals and by my hubby and kids practicing the piano

353 (83).  Patrice curled up froggy style on daddy’s chest

354 (84).  Feeling emotion, both good and bad

355 (85).  Calming stretches

356 (86).  Watching daddy play with little girls

357 (87).  Guest posting at new blog homes

358 (88).  Doctors who return phone calls

359 (89).  Clean bedrooms


Memory Captured–First Pony Ride and Thanks 331-349

I saw a call for memories captured in a tweet today from @galitbreen and I knew exactly what picture I had to link up.


The pony is Sandy, the baby is Patrice and yes, that says a ride is 1 cent.  It has been for decades.

My cousin and I grew up riding Sandy at a local grocery store chain, Meijer.  A couple years ago I got to introduce my girls and this weekend, my Patrice.

That little girl joins her sisters in being a marvelous joy and light in our lives.

We thank the Lord for them daily.

331 (61).  For childhood memories to share with my girls

332 (62).  Having my cousin just a text message away

333 (63).  A clean house

334 (64).  All the laundry done for the moment

335 (65).  Joy of reading by lamplight from a lamp my daddy gave me

336 (66).  Very hands on hubby

337 (67).  Caitlyn loving to go outside to play

338 (68).  Patrice learning to climb; daddy being smart enough to dismantle the tool she uses to climb where she shouldn’t be

339 (69).  Having my mom to call with cooking questions

340 (70).  Reuniting with college friends

341 (71).  24 hour grocery stores when needed

342 (72).  Caitlyn coming through dental surgery quickly

343 (73).  A knowledgable, caring dentist for our girls

344 (74).  Sue already feeling better after having a fever so high early this morning that she was hallucinating

345 (75).  Hubby practical enough to know how to get the fever down

346 (76).  Kleenex on sale just as we ran out

347 (77).  Warm reception for my blog carnival idea

Be looking for it March 15th, just in time to celebrate my mom’s birthday.  Need a button for your blog?  Check with Lauren, @unxpctdblessing on twitter or at My Postpartum Voice.

348 (78).  Patrice adding the signs milk and banana to her vocabulary

349 (79).  Being able to gather and calm myself today when Sue was sick

I am linking up for the first time for Memories Captured and once again with Multitude Monday.


Spring is Sprung–In February The Thanks March on… 321-330

This morning the familiar anxiety gripped me as I headed to work.  Would I get chewed out today?  Would I screw up a project again?  Would l lose an important piece of information?  Would I be able to answer questions posed to me?

The knots.  The hiding in the bathroom to cry or try to breathe.

But I made it.

Only a few tears.  I could answer the questions.  I found all the files I needed.

This afternoon I even got to breathe…to feel a bit of lightness.  It was 50+ degrees here in the not-so-frozen mitten.  In February.

I don’t know if the weather is why I got to relax a bit, or because my medications are getting to the right levels, but I’ll take it no matter what the reason.

I am so thankful.

321 (60).  Running and walking with my 5 year old.

322 (61).  Hearing her use the word similar correctly.

323 (62).  Talking about dinosaurs, wholly mammoths.

324 (63).  Hubby teaching oldest how to tell time on a toy he played with as a child.

325 (64).  The peaceful music on A Holy Experience.

326 (65).  Having friends tell me they see me as a warrior mom.  Having other mamas agree with her!  Ladies, you will never know how much I appreciate that.  Wow.

327 (66).  Being able to laugh at the baby drinking water from the toilet.

328 (67).  Getting to see Beauty and the Beast in the movie theater with my girls.

329 (68).  Making pie with and for my girls.

330 (60).  Sue being her normal funny self:

“What kind of pie do you want mommy to make for you, peach or cherry?”


So mama makes the pie.  Sue eats the crust, leaving all the cherries.

“I don’t like the cherries.”

“Then why did you tell mama to make a cherry pie?”

“Oh, give me another piece and I’ll see if I like the cherries that time.”


A Gift From the Battle and Giving Thanks 311-320

Last week started to get shakey.  My emotions were more volatile, my anxiety spiked periodically.  My therapy appointment was hard.  I sat in the little waiting room strongly considering walking out, wondering if he charged a no-show fee.

I stayed.  I didn’t cry in there, but I sobbed in the car.

Friday got exponentially worse.  Some things happened at work that pushed the anxiety to levels not seen in many months.

Saturday I made it through because daddy took the older girls for the day, and Patrice was more than willing to nap and play quietly in her crib.

I was so relieved Sunday when two of the girls had mild colds, so we stayed home from church.  I hid in the anonymity of the grocery store.  Wished I could stay forever.  Then headed to a Fancy Nancy Birthday party with Caitlyn.  I’m pretty sure the other mom’s think I am a snob, but honestly, I gave all I could.

Sunday night I was wound so tight I could not relax to sleep.  It was the worst it has been in a while.  I cried to my hubby, “I should have called the doctor today, why didn’t I?”  Thankfully hubby hugged me and talked to me til I drifted off.

This morning I pushed myself to go exercise.  Expecting sweet relief, only to cry while I biked.

I finally gave in to reason and called the doctor.  We added a new medication.  But the best part?  A revelation.

My whole life I have dealt with various health issues, and as I mentioned in this post, I have wondered who I would be if I was healthy, if people would see me anymore or if I would disappear.  I got amazing feedback from my post and many other interactions based on these thoughts.  The overwhelming message was that people related to me, for me, not due to illness.  And, I got to believe it.  I embraced it.  Started dreaming of who I would be when the depression and anxiety were gone.

But my mind betrayed me again.  This was not the final breakthrough I needed to escape the depression.  Instead, it was just another lull in the battle.

Yet, it was a breakthrough.  I can finally say with confidence the illnesses and issues that have dogged me for years, are not of my own making.  They are not my imagination. I do not invite them.  They happen.  They hurt.  They are real.  I am not just a whiny impostor.

I have struggled for so many years with these thoughts, that somehow I was a big lie, and was bringing all of this on myself due to some warped perception of reality.  Today, for the first time, I can boldy and unequivocably say that is not true.

I am Charity.  I am real.  I am authentic.

This realization deserves a singing of the hallelujah chorus.

(Too bad I can’t get it to link!)

For this, I am thankful:

311 (50).  Freedom in the midst of anxiety.

312 (51).  Going out to dinner with my Sue.

313 (52).  Hubby loving me when my nerves are making me stress and twitch.

314 (53).  Seeing hubby appreciate his mom’s artwork.

315 (54).  A spectacular sunset.

316 (55).  Days getting just a bit longer.

317 (56).  Hugs from my Caitlyn at a birthday party.

318 (57).  Tasks at work making sense.

319 (58).  Days off from school.

320 (59).  Encouragment coming when it’s needed.

I’m linking with Ann Voskamp.

Also linking up for Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

Multitude Mondays and the Joy Dare: 271-281

I am continuing in my journey of counting my blessings, seeing God in the little and big gifts.

Ann Voskamp has challenged us to continue, and it is now called the joy dare.  My hope is to dig deeper for the joy in all, big and little.

I find the majority of my joy is not from the big events, but the little.  From

271 (10). how Patrice lifts her eyebrows as she nods her head up and down or side to side


272 (11).  coming up with a new game to get the girls to clean their room with minimal fighting.

273 (12).  another lady in the church nursery being willing to change all the kids before they were picked up.

274 (13).  ability to laugh when kids are throwing fits.

275 (14).  listening to daddy teach scales to oldest daughter on the piano we were given.

276 (15).  knowing people that know people who have the skills we need.

277 (16).  being able to change from telling someone I am ok, to I am good!

278 (17).  getting compliments on my weight loss.

279 (18).  days at work that go quickly.

280 (19).  access to clean water for baths, cooking, drinking, playing.  Read Ann’s post here about water and it’s value.

281 (20).  friends to share the embarassing moments.

For what are you thankful?

Join us here in counting the joys.

Multitudes Monday 262-270

I have been doing laundry like crazy.  I like to wash all clothes we get as gifts and then get them folded and put away.  I’ve got most of the washing done…now for the folding and putting away.  We were given so much for the girls that I think I am going to pull out most of what is currently in their drawers and give them all new fresh options!

So do I pack away all we currently have for the next child…the bonus of having three of the same gender, or do I realize we truly have enough put away for a mega family and donate some of what we have?  It’s a hard choice. 

Am I offending people who have given us so much if I give away what they have previously blessed us with?  Am I being a good steward of resources if I keep them?  Or am I just being selfish and hoarding if I box it all up just in case we need it later?  (FYI, part of this thought process comes from watching an episode of hoarders last night)


I’m really not sure what to do…

So for now I will begin with being thankful:

262.  an abundance of clothes for my girls

263.  massive abundance of toys for my girls

264.  my girls truly don’t know what it is to want or need

265.  family collecting pop can tabs, box tops for education and cambell soup labels so we can donate them to help others (Ronald McDonald House) and Caitlyn’s school (box tops and labels)

266.  a new exercise challenge to get me moving again

267.  a hubby who changes diapers (almost) willingly

268.  cute baby nods and smiles

269.  nutella on bread

270.  time with cousins and family