Today I had my last scheduled “mental health check” appointment with my midwife. It’s been a slugging match and may continue to be at times, but for the most part, I am doing much better than previously in my battle with postpartum depression and anxiety. What a ride it has been.
Tonight is a great example of some of the changes. A year ago, I was desperately doing things with my girls. Not because I necessarily wanted to be so busy, but because the postpartum issues made it impossible for me to sit and relax without feeling like I was going to crawl out of my skin or start literally dissolving into tears.
A year ago, Caitlyn and I made a pie.
It was fun, but in between each step or anytime Caitlyn wasn’t looking, I was fighting the rising panic and tears. Within days, I was hospitalized for the postpartum depression and anxiety.
But today, I made brownies with Sue and Caitlyn. And I am happy to report, I had to force myself to do so. I’m so tired I just want to sit.
Yes, sit. And do a bunch of nothing. I actually can do that…not well, but I’ve never been great at sitting; I am about as good at sitting as I was pre-postpartum issues.
I count it as great progress. Being tired and lazy is a success!
A year ago, or even a few months ago, I dreamed of the day I could put postpartum depression and anxiety behind me. I dreamed of pretending it never happened–but it did happen. I have received amazing help and support through this journey. I have found my voice here on the blog. I can’t turn my back on all of this.
I will continue to blog and share my journey, and I am joining my friend Lauren, at My Postpartum Voice, in her dream to change world. Please read her vision and, I am begging you to, join us, by contacting people, suggesting places for us to contact, sharing your postpartum stories with other moms, lending your expertise in any way possible! Help us help other women find a way out of their very dark woods.
Please join me over at Thought Provoking Thursday.