If for nothing else but the beautiful song that plays on the host’s blog. It is the most soothing song I have ever heard. Yet it is unsettling. I don’t think it is the notes themselves, but how the notes and the rhythm blend together into this song I associate with the lovely blog where it finds a home.
The writer’s words and thoughts unsettlingly beautiful. Her perspective pushes my heart to think a little harder, a little deeper and yet, she writes of being thankful for the same types of things I am thankful for. It creates a tension. I can’t quite say I relish in the tension, but it is there to explore when my mind and heart are quiet.
Truth be told, my mind and heart are not often quiet right now. I am sure I have mentioned before, I have learned I am not quiet when walking through depression. Quite the contrary, I am busy. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I do not want my girls to see me sad; I do not want them to suffer, so I keep going. Sadness, confusion and frustration cannot catch me. Overall, I am doing much better, but I still find it impossible to slow down. It is impossible to sit and be.
Keeping a happy face is not my only reason for moving, going. I also know if I slow down I will have to recognize this new place the Lord has brought me to. He has brought me out of my comfort zone. I’m not sure why. I see some glimmers, the story of Postpartum Depression has been told a few extra times because of this path I have walked, a local doctor who can help other mamas has been found. I see glimmers.
There might be more to it than that. I am not ready to see it yet.
I am just getting some of my footing back, some of my equilibrium reestablished. If I slow down, how will the Lord use this work in me? Might he be trying to peel back more of my layers? Does He have a plan to move me even further out of my comfort zone? Will I be able to understand where He is leading me? Can I trust Him in the uncertainty? Can I put my hand in His hand? More importantly, can I put my heart in His hand?