Category Archives: random thoughts

Days All Wrong

Lets just start by saying, I am going to get my days all wrong, so if you’ve read my real-time facebook updates and then you read this, and they don’t match…sorry.

It all started Saturday night, I think.  Caitlyn got sick.  Crazy sick, with the stomach virus from H E double hockey sticks.  We even ended up in the ER.  She’s okay, but what’s the use of a Pediatric ER within a mile of your house if you never use it?

Then Patrice joined the fun.

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I hate the stomach virus.  I hate how it makes me kids, look, feel and smell.

And then, just for kicks, I got sick.  Like wow.   And I gained a whole new respect for my kids.  I whine way more than they do when I am sick.    Within a couple hours, Sue got sick.  And hubby wisely stayed home from work to take care of us…for the next two days.  I protested.  I Praise the Lord he didn’t listen and stayed anyway.

Last night, the kids tried a real meal.  Patrice regretted it.  Today we are back to dry cereal and dry toast.

I woke up feeling decent.  It is supposed to be 68 degrees today.  I planned a trip to the zoo…in my mind…then I had to rest from walking down the stairs and settled for putting on shoes for the first time in three days.

I look at my house.  And want to clean all the things.  Then I get dizzy again and hope to finish ONE load of laundry.  Just one.

How will I spend the rest of my time?  Praying hubby does not get this bug.  Dude, I’m even praying my worst enemy doesn’t get this bug.

We love you all enough to tell you to stay away from us!

Ten Things About Me

Sometimes, you are blogging along, and you hit a wall…no idea of what to write.  It’s been quiet around her for just that reason.  I don’t know how niche’ bloggers do it.  How they come up with posts every day on the same topics.  I blog about a bunch of different things, mental health, kids, homeschooling, faith, so on and so forth…and yet, the well runs dry.  So I am very glad my friend Kim, at Make Mommy Go Something Something awarded me the Liebster Award.

Liebtser

 

With this award, comes a list of questions, also known as blog inspiration.

  1. Are you that guy in your neighborhood who feeds the wildlife?  Well, kind of.  I throw the random ends to the bread that we don’t eat out to the squirrels, but we are not THAT guy.  He lives on the end of our street.  Just across from the golf course.  There are lots of ducks in the golf course.  They have lots of babies.  He puts food out.  The ducks know it.  They walk across the road with their parade of babies for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Best case scenario, they back up traffic as we all wait for them to go across, worst case scenario, someone isn’t looking and there is one less baby waddling after mama.  I say he’s misguided, but trying to be nice.  My hubby says he is fattening them up to fill his freezer.
  2. Where do you write? (10 bonus points if you admit that one of those places is the bathroom. Don’t lie. We all do it.)  I write in the kitchen.  Next to the stove.  It’s where the computer is.  We also homeschool in the kitchen.  There are days I only leave the kitchen to go to the bathroom, where I sometimes text, but never blog.  True Story.
  3. My New Year’s Resolution was nothing.  I didn’t make any.  I am a challenge and plan kinda gal.  Checking things off a list is my kind of deal, but right now, I am not keeping up with any of them.  I am not keeping up with my decluttering.  I am cleaning stuff out, but I am not going to hit every area I planned, nor will I have 40 bags gone by the end.  I am not keeping up with my Mother’s Day Challenge.  I was supposed to do an exercise video twice last week.  I got the treadmill once.  This week I am supposed to hit the treadmill three times, so far, nada.  And my squat, push up and plank challenge was hit or miss.  Dude, listing all of this I am shaping up to be quite the loser.  We are plugging away with homeschooling.  This week we havfe been working on telling time.  Caitlyn is currently playing a time-telling game on the iPad and Sue is working with the clock to show times.
  4. Lucky Charms for breakfast or are you one of those “I like my heart” kind of people?  Personally, I am totally a Lucky Charms person.  But these rugrats that call me mom eat them too dang fast, so we stick with the “slightly” healthier options, Honey Nut Cheerios and Frosted Mini Wheats.  They last a little longer and come in bigger boxes.
  5. What are your thoughts on global warming? Kidding. Do you like pizza? Some people don’t like pizza and those people cannot be trusted.  You do not want to know my thoughts on global warming.  I am not trendy.  I am so glad the real question is pizza.  I love it Kim!  You can totally trust me.  I like the cheapo pizzas, I like gourmet pizzas; their aren’t any I don’t like.
  6. What is your favourite colour and have you used that colour (or a variation of it) to paint your walls?  So, do I correct the Canadians’ spelling in this question or let it slide???  My favorite color is lilac.  In our first house, my hubby kissed up to me by painting three rooms lilac.  In this house, we have lilacs on some wallpaper, but that is it.  It is a sad little  house.
  7. What do you look forward to in the spring?  SENDING MY KIDS OUTSIDE.  There is lots more that I look forward to, but that overshadows them all so much, they aren’t even worth mentioning.
  8. Is there a piece of jewelry that you wear every day? Is there any significance to it?  I wear my wedding ring every day.  I have a charm bracelet I used to wear every day, but my hubby got me some new charms so I took it off to get them put on and haven’t gotten over to the jeweler.  I feel like an ingrate, but I’m not, I am just dreading taking three kids 7 and under to a jewelry store.
  9. Cold pillow or warm pillow and are you a pillow flipper in the middle of the night? I am not a flipper, but otherwise, I have no idea.  I think I prefer warm, but I really don’t know.  I guess I’ll have to cover it with my new therapist on Monday.
  10. Favourite picture of you and why?  My wedding pictures.  I’m sappy and they represent the start of a whole new life.  The life has sometimes been hard and challenging but it is worth every.single.second.  Those are pictures I love.

And now in accepting this award, there are some rules.  Here they are:

  1. Acknowledge the blogger who nominated you and display the award.–check
  2. Answer eleven questions the blogger gives you.–she gave me 10
  3. Give eleven random facts about yourself.–in addition to the questions?
  4. Nominate eleven blogs that you think are deserving of the award.–look out, I am coming for you.
  5. Let the bloggers know you nominated them.–I’ll be back to figure this out.
  6. Give them eleven questions to answer.–Umm, can I steal Kims’ and just add one?

Exhaustion: the Perpetual State of Parenthood

I am just wiped out.

And my head is doing the pre-migrane tango.

I kinda stink at the motherhood/homeschooler gig today.  Or, you know, this week.  On the homeschooling front, I didn’t have my normal prep time this last weekend so I decided to take advantage of a a review I am doing of Time4Learning.  I have an opinion, but I’ll save that for another post.

I have added nothing too it except Bible and reading.  No fun crafts.

But I hit homeschooling pay dirt today–Sue read me a book.  A Biscuit Book.  She only needed help with two of the words.  She knew or sounded out the rest of the book.  It gives me so much hope.  For those who have been reading along, I have stressed and fretted over Sue’s reading.  Today, I saw progress.

Now, before you get too excited, it is not the book that requires me to dye my hair…but it is a step closer.

And the motherhood front?  I am just beat today.  My hubby is the one who has been working his butt off and here I am whining about being tired.  Yeah, that makes me a putz, but it doesn’t make me any less tired…

My brain is tired.  My head is tired.  My eyes are tired.  My legs are tired.  Get my drift?  Yup, I am beat.  Work-outside-the-home, stay-at-home-mom, it doesn’t matter, by Friday…exhaustion sets in!

The Random in My Head

Things are still pretty good in my head.  I am able to control my emotions the vast majority of the time.  My sleep is a little disrupted, but I have no other signs of hypomania.

Life is good.

I joined a 40 bags in 40 days decluttering project. The premise is to go through  your home and recycle, trash, donate or sell unneeded items in order to get the clutter out of the house during Lent.  It is broken down into daily goals, I have a chart that says where I plan to clean each day.  I have another (sticker) chart to represent each bag that leaves my house.  This type of project is right up my alley.  Yesterday, I emptied a bag of stuff taken out of the minivan before we turned it in, and the two boxes of stuff I brought home from work when I was laid off.  Then as a bonus,  the girls couldn’t find a game piece yesterday, so Caitlyn dug through the closet to find it.  She had to take just about everything out but she got it.  I told her I would finish up.  I took the rest out and even swept before choosing what went back in.  Then I looked at Patrice’s room while daddy had the girls as church.  Oh man.  So it got cleaned.  And swept.  All in all I ended up with garbage bags of stuff in the trash.  Today was simpler since we will be at co-op all afternoon.  I got rid of a bag of clothes out of my closet.  There is more to go (maternity), but one bag down.

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www.whitehouseblackshutters.com./40-bags-in-40-days-2014/

(Can’t figure out why that link isn’t working, it is a direct copy from the website.  Maybe try cutting and pasting it?)

I am also doing another fitness challenge.  The last one was “just” planking.  This one is planking, push ups and squats.  My thighs are calling me names, mean, bad names.  But I am doing it.  Gotta do SOMETHING…

We made two Dr. Seuss projects yesterday.  We made Cat in the Hat Fruit Kabobs (strawberries and bananas) and cat in the hat hats with oreo cookies and gummy lifesavers.  The big girls were excited to be able to take them to Pioneer Girls last night as a treat.  I didn’t have enough for Patrice to take so now I have to think of something for her next week…

I still have a bunch of Junie B Jones Books for sale.  Sue really wants to raise money for those in the homeless community.

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We’ve sold one copy of the Stupid Stinky Bus and a Peep in Her Pocket.  (To the family members who gave them to us, we so appreciate it and have enjoyed them, but they are ready for a new home and this is one way for a little girl to raise money).

And Apparently, this homeschooling experiment has been a success.  I have volunteered to teach a course at our homeschool co-op next year and hubby is all for it.  I have also found a few curriculum items used at great prices.

Well, I better run, it’s time to finish up lunches to eat on our way to co-op (Caitlyn made the sandwiches)…and then we are off for gym class, Native American Culture, Drawing Animals, Curious George (for which we are taking Mangoes as a snack), Bible Heroes and preschool.

Oh wait, have you checked out our business website yet?  www.closetryplus.wix.com/closetryplus.  You can also find us on Facebook–Closetry.

NOW, we’re off.

Enough With the Memes

My girls are young.  7, 6 and 3.  That time can be intense.  They need a lot.  They want a lot.  They are around a lot.  And that’s okay.  I love where I am.

I am keenly aware they will grow up and leave home much too soon.  I remember having a panic attack in a store when Caitlyn was about a month old because she was growing up too quickly.  Truthfully, she has been leaving me since the midwife first put her on my belly and the cord was cut.

I know people.  Trust me I know.  When I am full on honest, that is a big part of why I am undertaking homeschooling.  God lent me these girls to raise, and I am going to do it.

But I am not always 1000% present.  I check in on my phone a lot.  I sometimes let daddy read them a book (okay, most of the time).  It is not uncommon for them to be watching TV while I am blogging or lesson planning.  My house isn’t always clean (or ever) and I can’t blame it on all the wonderful activities the girls and I are doing.  I get short tempered on a regular basis and I mourn when I don’t get any time alone.

I am not perfect.  I wish I were better.  And those darn Facebook Memes don’t help.  They so sweetly and cutely remind us how quickly are children are growing up.  And serve a big, fat, huge, pretentious helping of guilt and tears.  I HATE THEM.

They don’t make me love my kids more, they make me hate myself.  They make me cry and tear myself down.  None of them give me a single more second of time with my kids.  Rather, they make me grumpy.  They make me want more space FROM my kids.  I HATE THEM.

I really wish the people posting them would stop.  Yeah, just quit.  I don’t know who you are and I can only assume your kids are grown and gone.  I am going to assume you are not looking at the reality of raising small kids, of being needed every moment.  I am going to assume how you have forgotten the need for space, the desire for the laundry to stay done for more than an hour, and the nightly dinner fights to get the picky child to take JUST ONE FREAKING BITE!  Yup, I am going to assume the years have given you a myopic view of reality.

So I am left with your sappy, syrupy view of life with kids and a big old heaping of guilt.  And nobody wins.  Lovely.

Please, just please, posting ALL THAT SWEETNESS, and come clean my house instead!  And we’ll all be happy.

A Beautiful Mess in Photos

Life is a beautiful mess around here…

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Ride em’ cowgirl into Saturday Snapshots with my friend at An Ordinary Mom.

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Here is the beginning of our Advent Jesse Tree.  This is our first time doing this for Advent.  I love how it takes us all over Scripture to prepare for Jesus’ birth.  We have studied Jacob, Moses, Abraham, just to name a few.

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This last week found me tackling make homemade bread.  The first attempt was a bomb, the second was yummy cinnamon bread.  I even got Caitlyn involved with kneading the dough.  10 minutes is a long time, yo.

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I also dug out my old cross stitching materials in hope of doing a project for my Grandma (see the red Cardinal?).

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FYI, my house is almost always a stage of disaster, but this little girl declared me the best mommy ever as I allowed her to destroy my kitchen in order to paint.  I’ll take that over clean any day!

Oh the Funny

You always hear about kids being cute, but oh the funny!

I woke up early this morning, but did manage to get a decent night sleep.  I was making my bed when Sue and Patrice got up for the day.  And I hear,

“Mommy, Patrice is all up in my business!!!”

I am still laughing and knew this was setting me up for a day of great blog fodder.

Since then Patrice has been doing her version of hula hooping.  She throws the hoop into a spin and then keeps her body still while shaking her hands above her head.  I’d post a picture, but the only ones I’ve managed to grab were with her sporting her Nudacy, as Caitlyn calls it.

Patrices’ new word is hilarious.  Literally.  She declares things and people hilarious.

And today has been a good day for hilarious.

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Patrice is a RO BOT.

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We melted broken Crayons last night to make new ones.  Sue was a trooper.  She peeled a ton of crayons.  Caitlyn was a distant second.

While peeling them, Caitlyn came across a whole Crayon.  She said, “hey, this isn’t broken.”  Sue reached over, took the Crayon, broke it, and said, “there now it’s broken” while handing it back to Caitlyn.  Then went back to her peeling.  All deadpan.  I, on the other hand, lost it.
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And finally today, lunch was served with a side of funny faces.

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Kids are so cute and funny.  What have yours done lately to make you laugh?  And, if your kids are older, do they still make you laugh?

Random Thoughts

I’m really at a loss as to what to think.

I am pleased with the state of Texas’s decision to restrict abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy.

Life is precious.

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I just don’t see how anyone can argue that.

And that brings me to the recent Zimmerman trial. He was found not guilty after shooting a young boy, Trayvon. I don’t know the whole story. What I have heard leaves me so confused, it was self defense, it was murder. I don’t know. I do know there are a lot of people angry and hurting.

For them, I pray. And hold my girls tight.

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I May Be Two

I was thinking today about Patrice and how attached she is to her speech therapist and Caitlyn’s teacher. It was a quick connection for her. She adores them.

I worry about the day those associations end.

I also make quick connections and get too attached.

Take my midwife. I adore her. She’s been instrumental in bringing our three girls into this world. She helped me when no one would after Patrice was born. But I highly doubt she cares about me as much as I care about her.

It makes me feel desperate and unworthy. I’ve always struggled with friendships.

How do I guide my girls to strong, healthy relationships?

How do you help your kids learn how to build friendships?

The Best

I tried to explain to hubby why I was so upset about feeling like I don’t invest in my kids most of the time; why just surviving is such trauma to me.  He thinks it is because I worry too much about what others think of me.  But it is not that simple.

Yes, I worry what other people think.  I know my parenting style changes when there are people around, I don’t want them to think I am doing it wrong.  Yet,  for the most part, I am proud of a lot I have done.  I was a breastfeeding, babywearing mama.  I let my kids know I love them and am proud of them.

But I am haunted with the thought I am not investing in them enough.  I am afraid they don’t believe how much I love them.  I am afraid they won’t know how much my heart breaks when things go awry, when I yell too much or get too frustrated.

I want so much for them to understand how much I want to pour into them.  How I want them to see and know the Love of God first, here at home.  How I want them to have the self-confidence to head out into the world with their heads up high.  How I want them to know home is a safe place to land, always.

What do you want for your kids?  How do you show them?