I have a race tomorrow. My first race since the half marathon in September. Tomorrow’s race is a 5k–3.1 miles. The distance is not a worry at all, and yet, I still have nerves.
Will I get up in time? Will I find where they want me to park? Will I remember my shoes? Weird angst.
I’ve had some frustration all day. I don’t know which came first, the all day nerves, or the running a race tomorrow nerves.
Sigh.
Here I am again, going on about running. While asserting this is not a runner’s blog. It’s not…I just so happens that running is the way I deal with most of life.
I have this thing I do in life where I see something, perceive that it is a good idea, take the leap, and then freak out about it.
Over and over and over and over again.
And here I am in freak out zone again.
Not really about the zoo race. I don’t think. Though my nerves are pretty wound up about that. It is more about various projects I have going on.
I am actually done Christmas shopping for my girls. Earliest ever!! But I have taken on helping another family put together a Christmas for their family. I sort of have things organized but I don’t trust the organization I have done, so I fret. A lot. Like feel like I can’t breathe fret. Sit in my car trembling fret. I don’t want to let my friend down and disappoint her kids. It just has to work out.
Yeah, more than a little stressed.
In all of this I am trying to ignore the fact that my second born is turning 10 Tuesday. She is such a little peanut. She’s my little girl that yearns to be so big, so independent, and yet just wants time to be hugged and loved by mommy.
I had decided yesterday there was nothing worth getting up for on Black Friday. And then a little voice asked from the back of the car, “Mommy, where are you going for Black Friday? I think it would be so fun.” She was so eager, I found myself checking ads again and setting my alarm for 5:15 this morning. I half expected her to ignore me when I came down to wake her up, but no, she pretty much bounced up, wide awake.

So out we headed. We purchased a few items at our first stop, a few more at our second stop, then a yummy treat,
a few more items at our third store, and one more yummy treat. During that second treat stop I was making an on-line purchase and was pretty intent on what I was doing, next thing I know, she is on my side of the table cuddled up next to me. And I was reminded how important this one-on-one time is to my middle child…as I listened to her plan our Black Friday trip for next year!
No stores kept in the black from our little purchases, but we made a memory and that’s, as they say, priceless. Oh my gosh you guys, that line I just wrote sounds so cheesy, but there are tears in my eyes when I think about how much this morning meant to my little peanut and I. And how I almost missed it.
You guys, I don’t know how to sort it all out. So I guess I am here writing it out trying to understand my emotions and why I get so dang wrapped up in certain thoughts, why I can’t just shrug them off.
Sigh.
So there you go, a glimpse into how my brain is working, or not working, as of late. I’d talk about the really cool fact that I signed up for my 2nd half marathon, but I better not, since this isn’t a runner’s blog. I’ll just sit here amazed that I will run my SECOND half marathon a week after I turn 43. Nope, I won’t mention that.


My girls are so beautiful and I am so proud of them. They keep me moving literally, mentally, and emotionally.

This has been going on for weeks, which is not normal for me, and my thinking is starting to get much harder to control, my anger at things is out of proportion, I am over thinking EVERYTHING, so on and so forth.




















