Category Archives: weight loss

Little by Little

I have talked about Fodmap.  I am pretty sure I have talked about getting off a medication that caused weight gain.  And I have been walking.  And walking and walking.

The food issues are getting easier to navigate.  I have honed in on the biggest issues that are the biggest part of my life.  Gluten is gone from my diet.  I have started to find what brands of foods I do and don’t like.  The limitations can be annoying, but have been fantastic for weight loss.  A spectacular silver lining!!

The change in medication, just rocks.

And the walking is something I really, really enjoy.  I also love the competition of the Fitbit.

2016-05-30 20.11.50 2016-07-04 21.19.30

And I am absolutely, positively in love with the weight loss.  I have gone down a size in shorts and jeans.  Did you read that?  Yup, DOWN A SIZE.  After a couple years of seeing my weight and size only go up, it is now going down.  Down, down, down.

2016-07-09 12.32.19 2016-07-03 09.24.05

I still have a ways to go, but I am down

20 Pounds!!!!

2016-07-17 19.58.37 2016-07-06 10.01.49-1 2016-07-17 19.59.35

Sometimes It Is About Control

I wrote this post in my head while taking a walk.  It was awesome…then.  We’ll see how it goes now.

I, like many teens/young people, danced with anorexia in my teens and then again in my 20s.  I was chunky from fourth grade on.  My cousin was slim, all the popular girls were slim, and then there was me.

High school sucked.  Most of the people around me were mean or indifferent (NOT the aforementioned cousin–she was and is one of the best people in my life).  I didn’t know how to fit in at either of the schools I attended during Junior High and High School.  Nothing I did helped.  I felt like I didn’t have any control.

And then I learned to control my food.  I could skip as many meals as I wanted.  That, I could control.  So, I ate less and less.  And I lost weight.

Bonus.

I got down to 84 pounds.

But hunger came back and so did the pounds.

Right after high school I discovered exercise and a healthy diet.  I took the weight off right this time.

And it stayed off.

Then I got involved in a relationship.  A really unhealthy relationship.  Let’s call it for what it was…an abusive relationship.  And they only thing I ever did that made him happy was losing more weight.  He loved to show people how much he could overlap his fingers when he put his hands around my waist.  So, I kept losing weight.

Praise the Lord, he and I split up, but again life was spiraling for a while there and food was one thing I could control.

Until I met my now husband.  I was  happy with him.  I had someone to eat with again.  I gained weight.  Then I lost weight…in time to get pregnant with our third baby…and then I lost all control of my weight with the various psych meds I was on and the depression I was in.

Control was again missing from my life.

I have slowly regained control my mind.  I am slowly regaining control of my weight.

I have lost 17 pounds since January.

2016-06-09 19.28.26

As I have written about before, I  have had to radically change my diet.  I have had to eliminate or severely limit many foods.  It is not always fun, but it is worth it.  The FODMAP diet has eliminated much of my stomach pain.  It has made losing weight much easier, and, an added benefit, it has given me control–healthy control–over my eating again.  I know what I can and cannot eat.  I know how much I can eat.  There is no guesswork in my food.

It is good.  Very good.

A Nibble Here A Nibble There

A nibble here, a bite there can’t hurt, can it?  Why yes, yes it can.  As you may know from the world of dieting, it is important to keep track of everything that passes our lips.  I have always struggled to count those, but lately those bits here and there have gotten me in trouble.  Not on the scale, that is finally headed in the right direction (down 15 lbs), but in some health issues.

I know I have mentioned the low FODMAP diet before, but here it is again.  I have had stomach issues for the last 15 years.  I’ve tried medication.  I’ve tried surgery.  Nothing helped.  And my small attempts at figuring it out via diet modification were unsuccessful.  Well recently I figured out that sugar was a big issue, but I didn’t know which sugars it was exactly or how to figure out how to figure it out.

One day I was whining in my Facebook fitness group and a wonderful lady mentioned the low FODMAP diet.  I tried really hard to brush it off.  I didn’t want it to be an issue with my nutrition, but the next day was so bad pain and nausea wise, I knew I had to give this diet a chance.  So, the next day, I did.  And by that evening I felt quite a bit better…and each day that week was an improvement…I couldn’t argue with the evidence, it was apparent this was the answer to my 15 year journey.

And the beginning of the rest of my foreseeable future.

Foods are broken into low FODMAP (good) and high FODMAP (bad) groups. I depend on this list to guide me on this new road.  FODMAP stands for fermentable oligo-, di-, and monosaccharides and polyols, meaning short chain carbohydrates and sugar alcohols.  That part doesn’t mean much to me, what does are my food lists.  I have certain fruits I can have (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries) and others I can not (apricots–still mourning that loss) among others.  It is the same for veggies (green beans/carrots).  Some cheeses are good, others are a total no.  Wheat flour is not allowed, so add gluten as another consideration.  Sugar is definitely the issue I thought it was. Garlic and onions are two others that are high on the list of no-nos.

All of it is a big adjustment.  And honestly, I think I am doing okay with the adaptation.  I have given up a lot of foods (don’t even talk to me about the pizza the rest of the family is having tonight) and started eating a lot more of others.  I even had my doctor look over it to make sure it was not eliminating necessities.  She was fine with the diet, just sad for me that avocado, mangoes, and garlic are on the don’t touch list. It is not sitting down and eating the wrong foods that get me in trouble, it’s the crumb here and the crumb there.  I really am trying not to upend my entire family’s eating, so the forbidden foods are still around…and the Costco muffin crumbs are undoing me today.  I don’t even like the muffins that much, but the kids keep leaving uneaten portions behind and it is so hard to outright throw the food away, but I am getting better at it.

I am thrilled with how much better I feel overall, but I am a slow learner.  I have a couple good days and I think…eating this can’t make my stomach hurt that badly…and I am proven wrong again.  Over and over.  I feel bad for those friends and family members who keep listening to me say how I messed up again.  But I keep trying and at least now there is less time whining about the pain and not knowing what is causing it.

There is also always the weight loss to make me smile.  My wedding ring is now loose on my finger, my jeans are no longer tight, and I have lost an inch in my waist in just the last two weeks!

2016-05-26 19.32.18

Bit by bit…progress is being made…

Can’t You Just Be

I am currently very excited to be overhauling my diet, super upping my exercise, and trying to reclaim my body pre-stupid-psych-meds.

After 15 years of medications, surgery, and the like, I have finally found a diet that controls my stomach pain and is taking off the weight.  I didn’t want to change my diet, but the pain was making it inevitable–relief came when someone introduced me to the Low FodMap diet.  It is a fair amount limiting concerning on what I can eat, but the fact that it no longer hurts my stomach to have the girls hug me is huge–stupendous.

Bonus–the weight I put on while taking some of the psych meds is falling off–currently at the rate of a pound a day.

2016-05-09 11.10.52

I have the success of the FodMap diet and some big dreams that continued me on my path of exercising consistently.  I am partnering with a friend to do the Beachbody workout PiYo six days a week, with an overall goal of being certified to teach PiYo live a year from now.  I continue to love my FitBit and work toward my minimum daily target of 10,000 steps.  I got a new model, the Alta, for Mother’s Day and it is taking me a bit to get used to what it credits as a step.  The zip counted just about any movement.  The Alta is a little more particular.

I love PiYo, but soon I am going to start another workout. T25.  It was my birthday present to me.  I am very focused on my physical health right now.

And it feels great!

Someone dear to me said the other day, “You’re either totally down and out, no moving, no nothing, or you’re all the exercise, all the activity.  Can’t you just be somewhere in the middle?”

That question, to me, was very telling on what it is like to live life with me.  There are constant fluctuations–often big fluctuations.  I try to tame them, really I do, and I thought I had done a better job than I apparently have.  The ups and downs can be intense–rapid, and hard to follow, but I hope for those who are around me, that it is worth the ride!!!

Almost Done With Week One

I like Weight Watchers, I do.  I like having a  point goal and the personal goal of staying just a point or two below.

It takes extra effort.

Breakfast is pretty simple.  I do an egg in a mug (credit Hungry Girl).  It is 3/4 cup egg substitute, 1 turkey sausage patty, and reduced fat cheese.  I spray the coffee mug with a knock off version of Pam, break up the sausage, microwave 45 seconds, add 3/4 cup substitute, microwave 1:30-2:00, sprinkle with cheese, microwave 30 seconds.  Let cool.  It is so yummy and very, very filling for 3 smart points.

Lunch is a salad, with or without tuna, and raspberry walnut vinaigrette, for 5 smart points.

2016-01-05 13.14.19

 

I have done a lot more for cooking dinners this week than I am used to.  I cook most days but this is requiring recipes and cutting and chopping of veggies and measuring.  So far hubby has liked the cabbage rolls sautee, rice and beans dish and Fagioli soup.  He has even been taking the leftovers to work for lunch.

2016-01-05 18.07.21

I have been sprinkling in lots of fruits and veggies between meals and making sure I have 5 points left at the end of the day for my cup of hot cocoa (5 smart points).

So far it is working–I think.  I guess we will find out at weigh in Monday night.

A New Year. A New Me?

The last couple years have found me struggling to lose weight.  To no avail.  I have exercised.  And exercised.  And exercised.

Nothing has changed.  I have lost a few inches, but they come back lickety split, and no pounds leave.

I have heard before about medications, especially psychiatric meds, causing weight gain.  But I didn’t believe them.  Even when I was told particular meds might get me.  I saw that as an excuse that I wouldn’t need.

I was wrong.  I went off one of my medications, and started another one, and my appetite dropped in half.  Literally.  I went from eating foot long subs and still wanting to eat, to eating half of one and giving the rest to my daughter.  I am seeing this over and over.

The holidays came.  I ate more than I should, but still less than I was, but the pounds haven’t really moved, though there has been some inches lost.

I need more help.  I am doing better, but I can’t quite do this on my own.

I decided to look into a popular program that has worked for me in the past, but couldn’t quite swallow the cost–until I found out my insurance company will pay for  almost all of it!!

So here I am, all signed up and ready to go to my first meeting Monday night!  It will mean a change for me, and by extension my family, but I think it will be good.  We can all eat a little, or a lot, healthier Monday and every day!

Wish me luck!!

All The Hard Work

I have been working very hard at my fitness and trying desperately to get my diet under control.  And what do I get for it?  More weight.  That’s right, I gain.

My hubby never works out, but does work many hours at a physically demanding job.  He eats like crap.  He’s down 13 pounds.

Grrr.  It makes me crazy.  So crazy, I had to hide my scale in the basement.  I do my measurements about once a month.

I  am losing inches, though not where I would like to the most, so I know I am doing something right, but my waist is still huge and the number when I do peek at the scale, makes me sick.

Recently, I had someone say something very degrading to me about my weight.  They didn’t mean it, it just happened.  And I hate it.

I work so hard, but little of it shows.  My arm muscles are growing, but there is still a ton of fat there.  My cheek bones are nice, but the chin is still padded extra.  I saw my collar bones peeking out today.  As I looked at them, something dawned on me.  I may still hate a great deal about my body, but at the same time, the measurements I take miss a lot.  They don’t consider my collar bone.  They don’t take into account my cheek bones or the calf muscles that I am very proud of.

So people, the tape measure, and the scale may try to diminish me, but they don’t tell the whole story…And I think I need to hang on to that.

My Body Image

“Mommy, your belly is big.”

“Mommy, you’re fat.”

“Mommy, you’re as big as daddy.”

I know the girls aren’t trying to  be mean.  They don’t know what their words do to me.  But man, they hurt.  I try to block them out, I try to laugh them off, but it doesn’t work.  I am back to being the fat kid in school.  The one with fat ugly knees.  And thing is, I am.  I have put on so much weight.  I am the heaviest I have ever been, outside of pregnancy.

One hundred and twenty-nine pounds is what I weighed when I got pregnant with Patrice.  I had worked hard to get the weight off.  It allowed me to avoid sugar issues in my pregnancy with her.

It took me a while, but I got back down to 132 after Patrice was born.  Then medications started curtailing my exercise and others increased my appetite exponentially.

So here I am, big.  Really big.  I hate it.  I hate seeing myself in the mirror.  When I don’t see myself, I can pretend my exercise I am doing is making a difference.  When I do see myself, I see the truth, a very, very overweight woman who obviously doesn’t take care of herself.

I am beyond frustrating.  Since I started exercising and slowly cleaning up my eating…my weight has gone up.  Five pounds up.  I hate it.  I can’t stand it.  I am so ashamed.

2014-05-31 20.39.06

 

I’m losing hope.

It’s Getting Real Here Folks

I have packed on a lot of pounds.

I could list off so many excuses.  And I will concede to one.  Some of the psychiatric medications I was on caused hunger.  I didn’t believe it was the meds, but I recently went off depakote and was shocked at how much my appetite immediately decreased.  I dropped 3 lbs.

I have a lot more of than that to lose.  Like 15 times that.

Ugh.

I hate how I look.  I hate how I feel in this body.  It preys on my mind.  I feel horrible about myself.

And as I mentioned to a friend and my hubby, the worst part of feeling fat and ugly as a parent is the guilt over how you are teaching your children to eat, so now you feel fat, ugly and guilty.

So far my girls are all very healthy and strong,  but if my eating is making me fat, what will it eventually do to them?  I can’t face doing that to them.

The time to change is now.

I have successfully lost weight on weight watchers twice.  The second time I added a lot of exercise and it was phenomenal.

So I got back on the treadmill yesterday and today.  Now on to the food.  The best part of weight watchers is the fact that fruits and veggies are not restricted and there is a huge proliferation of recipes to be had.

Here we go.

I have started a pinterest board with recipes that look good, I am exercising and using the fooducate application on my phone to try and make good choices.

This is my before…

IMG_1292

 

Please pray, wish good luck to us as we undertake this overhaul.  It will truly be a big change, especially for my picky eaters–Sue and Patrice.  I know they won’t like it, but I have battled my weight since fifth grade and I just can’t set them up to do the same.  I have to be strong and smart for my girls.

IMG_1296

(They weren’t that in to getting their picture taken.  Sigh)

Now off to more menu planning and cleaning this house…anybody want to come over and help with that cleaning part so I can continue to obsess over eating choices???  Anyone…at all???

Lovely

So my lovely Caitlyn

20130506-093434.jpg
made what she thought was a funny joke yesterday. She said we were having a fourth baby (we’re not). Then started laughing hysterically. Then she said, “you know why it’s funny? I say it because of your fat.”

I hurt like a big dog. Too bad it is true. Really true. I have a lot of weight to lose. And somehow I have to lose how much her comment hurt.

Have your kids said something really hurtful? How did you get over it?