I know the blog has been a little quiet lately, and the posts I do share, a little dark, but that has been life lately. I have been quiet, except to beg for help as the depression and I go another round.
Last Thursday I reached a level of despondancy I have not known in many months. I cried like I haven’t cried in a long time. And that brought an eery calm.
Have you ever been afraid of the calm and the quiet? It is a scary place to be.
But the Lord is not leaving me there. He has brought so many to walk with me. He will give me strength I do not have in order to continue to fight this demon of depression. Thursday I will head to a new doctor, actually a team of doctors. I am scared. I am scared of the questionaire, I am scared of sharing my story again. I am scared of trying another therapy and having it not work. And yet, I will walk. I will walk when I would rather hide. I will speak out when I would rather be quiet. I will fight for my girls. I will show them mama loves them enough to go another round with the doctors and depression.
And I will be thankful:
243. the love and support of my hubby. He posted this comment, under my name, on my blog last Saturday–
“Right now my Honey is running a 10k. As I will not really understand her bad days and is hard for me to FIX IT because I am MR. FIX IT ya know. All I can say is I Thank the Lord for you and am in WONDER as I watch you DOWN one moment, then crawling out of the hole to run a 10k or do laundry or get yourself out of bed to start another day. Sweetheart I might not understand but thank you for telling me when you are stuggling so I can pray FOR the Lords help because HE is more powerful than any dark hole. I will listen to HIM as HE gives me what I need to support you through….. LIKE A HUG!!!! (sorry) As I said I do not understand BUT I love you and am so proud of you!!! NOW run girl like you have never run before. Good job Luvy!!!!”
244. The ability to run. 6.2 miles. I was not the fastest by any means, but I ran every step.
245. The swans I saw flying overhead as I ran.
246. The Christmas music the residents of Holly played for the runners as we made our way through the race.
247. The continued support of so many who love me, even when I am not lovable.
248. The wonderful Christmas pictures we did as a family on Saturday.
249. Running with a friend.
Survive til you Thrive!