Monthly Archives: May 2012

Visit Me

Posted on May 24, 2012 | 1 comment

I am taking a little blogging break, but would love to have you visit me today at Little Mama Jama‘s place!

Life Lessons

Posted on May 20, 2012 | 2 comments

I think I have mentioned, ad naseum, that this week was hard. Or rather, the last three weeks have been hard, but this last one, wowsers.

But I learned a few new things.

1. People are praying for you even when you can’t ask them to.

2. People love you even when you aren’t lovable.

3. Years of burdens can be lifted with one gentle conversation.

4. You can feel closer to that person than you have for years, after said conversation.

5. There doesn’t need to be anything profound said to make the above conversation absolutely amazing.

6. Sometimes plans change.

7. And sometimes the best reason for that is spending more time with family.

What have you learned this week? Head over to Rach’s and link up!

2 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Does it Ever Get Any Easier?

Posted on May 19, 2012 | 3 comments

Depression sucks. All kinds of depression. This week was really hard. On the verge of hospitalization bad. Like if my mother wasn’t coming to visit I would have gone to the hospital bad.

The last three weeks have been a slow slide with bumps and bruises. I stopped running altogether. My heart just went out of it. It became a chore. Easy 6 mile runs became very difficult two mile runs.

So tomorrow is a half marathon I have been planning on and training for since December. But the preparation hasn’t been there, the energy hasn’t been there and the heart hasn’t been there.

I will not be racing tomorrow. I will be going to the zoo with my kids, their grandparents and my hubby.

I’m sad and disappointed to not be doing the race. But not as much as I expected to be. I am thrilled to be going to the zoo with my family. And if I am so sad I can’t let go of the race, the beauty is, there are ALWAYS more that can be run!

But my confession today? I’m afraid this battle with depression never gets easier. That all the weeks will look more and more like this one did. I hope not, but today the fear is there and real.

(I am doing much better. I am tired and feel beat up, but okay. Thank you to Kim, Pam, Lisa and Jessica for walking this week with me.)

3 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Ready to Rumble

Posted on May 14, 2012 | 4 comments

A few weeks ago I declared what I wanted for my birthday…and haven’t changed my tune, so yesterday, I unwrapped this…

to reveal…

Hubby got it set up right away and I started my morning today with some time punching and kicking it.

What is your favorite birthday present? What is one thing you would like to get that no one would expect you to want?

4 Comments

Posted in random thoughts, special occassions

Could Use Some Validation

Posted on May 12, 2012 | 4 comments

This week has been full of ups and downs. My anxiety has been really high, which normally signals a big crash into depression is coming. Thankfully that crash has not come, but yesterday the rapid cycling between really happy and depressed started coming. All of it makes me very tired.

I have been very little help at home. Except to be the resident sleeper. Especially yesterday. I laid down right after work, got up around bedtime and went back to bed in less than two hours and right back to sleep. Hubby did all the parenting.

Today I am more than a little anxious. I’ve already taken some meds for it and feel crappy about it. I can’t even handle parenting without help.

Now off to stare at the dirty kitchen that I can’t quite figure out how to clean…

And hope for a good birthday and mother’s day tomorrow…

4 Comments

Posted in depression, Mommyhood Confessions

Wheeee It’s Meeeee

Posted on May 9, 2012 | 1 comment

1 Comment

Posted in wordless wednesdays

My Voice

Posted on May 8, 2012 | 4 comments

I begin to get upset and obsess over little things when the depression starts to woo me and pull at me.

And when I say little, I mean little. Like today I felt horrible because I’m not a funny blogger. I decided that must be why a blogging friend didn’t ask me to guest post. Le sigh. Who cares, right? I mean, dudes, I am barely keeping up with my own writing!! But nonetheless, I stew. And stew and stew. I go round and round in my head.

At the same time I worried that my writing didn’t matter. I’m not entertaining anyone with my wit and I’m not helping anyone with my candor.

So again, I stew. Thankfullly, I have a great group of people around me. I mentioned some of my ruminations to a friend. She, and another, told me my writing did matter. And another friend, reallly made it real, when she told me I had to tell my story. It is my testimoney that no one else can tell. I talk about the pain and depression when maybe others would stay quiet. (Like right now when I would rather keep my petty silliness to myself, yet here I am, writing it.)

“Embrace who you are, the good, the bad, your strengths and weaknesses…. Your life is a testimony, even the parts you think are insignificant.”

She’s right, you know. My story, all of it, is mine. Maybe you need to hear it, maybe someone else does, I don’t know, but here I am writing it.

What do you need to share? What does someone else need to hear from you? Write it, say it, own it, celebrate it.

*This post is dedicated to the many amazing women and bloggers I know.

4 Comments

Posted in blogging, depression

People Person…

Posted on May 6, 2012 | 4 comments

Am I a people person?I don’t really know.I crave interaction more than my husband does, but have found a true love of social media as I can be involved to the level I am comfortable and can step away when I need to.I talk a lot around people, but I think that is more out of nerves than anything else.I love the constraints of 140 characters tweet or text message as it keeps me from getting too talkative and invites more pauses for another person to get involved.I am exhausted after going to a party or a day at work. It is not uncommon for me to dread plans I have made with people because I am afraid I will offend them or scare them off. What about you? Do you get energized by time alone or time with others? Do people see you as a people person? Linking with Fadra for Stream of Conciousness Sunday.

4 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Cinco de Mayo My Way

Posted on May 5, 2012 | 1 comment

We are having quesadillas/fajitas I found on and Key Lime Pie I found at my friend Pamela’s place. She said it was good and she telleth the TRUTH!

Chunks of chicken seasoned with thyme flakes, salt, pepper, oregano, dill, cooked, removed from heat, sweet bell peppers sauted in same pan, chicken added back in, keep heating on low. Serve with tortillas, mexican style cheese, tomatoes and sour cream.

And we followed that up with Key lime pie.

I used a pre-made graham cracker crust, 1 block of cream cheese (at room temperature), 1/3 cup granulated sugar, key lime zest, lime juice from a medium sized lime, beat together with mixer, fold in tub of whipped topping, add food coloring to make green, pour into crust! Let chill at least four hours, (or 90 minutes if you can’t wait like us!)

Super Yum.

I woudld show you the whole pie, but it’s in my BELLY! And my hubby’s and my three daughters. Pam tells me it is even better if you let it chill. I shall report back tomorrow after ~~breakfast~~ at some point.