A New Chapter

I am home on a Tuesday afternoon; actually the second one in a row.  Last Tuesday I came home sick from work and headed to the hospital.  I was having tactile hallucinations and the night before I had been suicidal.  But by the time the emergency room got to me, I was okay, so they sent me home.  I stayed home and rested Wednesday.

Thursday I headed back to the office.  It was a crazy hard day and I knew by the end of the day I would be headed back to the hospital.  The thoughts were too strong and too many.  I drove myself directly from work to the ER.  Twenty-two hours later I finallly got a bed on the psychiatric floor.

It was as always a tumultous and difficult time.  Having your freedom taken away is so hard, even when you know it is for your safety.  People watching you all the time, judging what and how you are doing is such a challenge.

But being in the hospital accomplished what was needed; I am no longer on Lamictel and am now on Lithium.  It feels like a new chapter.  A tried and true treatment for bipolar, but new to me.

I feel much better than I did at this time last week, but I still feel fragile.  I am taking it easy, giving myself time to rest and permission to take things slowly.


Survive til you Thrive!

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