Day 2

Here it is.  Day two of letting my girls go back to school.

Yesterday was horrible.  I begged God to let them wake up just sick enough to stay home.  They both had very mild colds.  I asked them a thousand times if they wanted to stay home with mommy.  No.  No matter how many times I asked.

I cried as I watched them get in the truck to leave.  I sobbed as they drove away. I cried throughout the day as I counted the hours and minutes until they got home.  I ran to the door several times in the afternoon thinking it was them.

I passed my day cuddling Patrice.  It did not go fast enough.

I was told on twitter and facebook that I needed to trust God and have more faith.  I don’t know what to do with that advice.  What good does that do except to insult me.  And insinuate the writer knows the state of my faith and beliefs.  I know it just left me cold and angry.  Maybe people are right, maybe I don’t have enough faith.

My heart just keeps replaying an agony I can not really imagine.  That is too horrible to imagine.  To lose a child.  My heart goes out to those mamas and daddies that buried their babies yesterday, and will in the days to come.  And I beg God to bring my babies home.

I again let them go to school today with bated breath.  I waved until they were out of sight.  And I am counting the hours.

Bring them back to me safe and sound Lord Jesus.