Sometimes Life Comes Full Circle

Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote this post about my faith.

I was struggling.  Truly floundering.  Like I had never done.

Then suddenly, the struggle ended.  About the same time I lost my job, the desire to seek the Lord came back.  Praying seemed worthwhile again, whether or not there were answers, church wasn’t such a hardship.  I was still somewhat uncomfortable in the services, but it was livable.

Unfortunately, I have noticed over the last  month or so, that things have gotten harder.  I am still reading my Bible, thank you YouVersion, and praying some.  But man the services are HARD.  Today I had to walk out during the singing portion.  It just hurt too much.  I literally felt shock waves of pain going through me, radiating along my spine.

I went outside for a minute to get some food to donate to local food banks, then came back in, not sure what to do.  I looked at the books for sale in the church library.  And then sat down in the foyer in time for the sermon to start.

I was okay.  There were parts of the sermon that stung.  Isn’t that the point?  But I could sit there.  I could hear it.  I could receive it without pain and tears.

I don’t understand.  I really don’t.  I know the lat few days have been hard mentally.  I had to call the psych for some advice and renew my usage of Xanax.  That has taken the edge off.

But I didn’t expect today.  I didn’t anticipate walking out of church, needing to escape.  And once again, I don’t know where to go from here.  So, I’ll just keep putting one foot in front of the other until something makes sense again…and hope that’s soon.

Survive til you Thrive!

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