Six years ago right now I was hoping that two weeks of contractions were almost done. I was 5 cm and my midwife had swept my membranes, it was time.
And it really was time…
November 28, 2007 at 6:18 am, after a 3 hours and 47 minutes labor, I was holding Sue.
Here are some pictures of the first year.
Posted in Sue
Sunday night is Awana, Bible club for kids, night around here. The girls love it. They are always excited to go, but last night they were absolutely ecstatic to go.
It was dress like a pilgrim night. Here is what I came up with.
Patrice wasn’t interested in dressing up, but she was having so much fun in her vest, I just HAD to take pictures. Such a little ham.
I love that they love Awana. They have verses to recite each week. Well, correction, Caitlyn is currently memorizing the books of the Old Testament and Sue the New Testament. They earn their electronics privileges by studying each day.
Awana is a huge asset in our family life.
For lack of a transition, I am going to just dive in with what I Wanna.
I Wanna feel better in my own skin. I am taking my medications, but something is still missing. My anxiety is too high, my thoughts get jumbled. I wanna be comfortable in my own skin again, so Wednesday I am taking the dive with a new therapist. I am not real thrilled with meeting someone new that may soon know the darkest side of me, but I am trying to have hope, I am trying to be positive.
I Wanna like me, so I hope I can like her.
Posted in Bible, depression, Faith
I have almost everything I have ever wanted.
I have more than what most people dare to dream of having.
And yet I want something I can’t have.
I want to be medication free.
(I would have everything I ever wanted, if I had that)
Having Patrice ushered in postpartum depression and anxiety, which ushered in bipolar depression. And lots of medications.
I hate them. I hate the side effects. I hate needing them. I hate KNOWING I need them, most of all.
I want them gone.
When we had Patrice, I just wanted a baby. NOT ALL THIS.
Don’t get me wrong…I wouldn’t trade her for all the med free days in the world, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting something I can’t have.
I want them gone.
I want what I can’t have.
(If you are an astute reader, you have seen this topic previously, but hey, it is my place to whine, so there you go. Even linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say)
Posted in depression, Postpartum Depression
A couple of weeks ago we had an issue with an inappropriate response from one child to another. A moment to make a mother proud. Or not. I decided right then and there we needed to start studying the Fruits of the Spirit.
I began looking for activities and opened our Bible to Galatians 5:22-23: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
First we made fruit baskets with each of the labeled fruits. Today we went a step further and put fruit right on the trees.
Patrice was working on her own project and managed to cut off Abraham Lincolns’ head. You can’t win them all, all the time.
We drew trees with markers on some watercolor paper I had, then added each of the fruits of the Spirit and finally glued on buttons.
We also listened to songs about the fruit while we worked. And I am praying for fruit…
(Original inspiration was from this post, I just thought it needed some kid friendly explanation)
My lovely cousin is there day and night to share the highs, the too highs, lows and the too lows. She is a spectacular mom, friend and worker.
BUT…today…I have something else to say…
Rake, rake, rake, rake, it’s what the family say!
Posted in fall
Please forgive me as I dump a bunch of Patrice cuteness on you. For some reason, this series of pictures grabbed my heart.
Thanks to some wonderful generosity, we are able to do swimming lessons at the YMCA. The girls are having a great time. Getting dressed after can take time, but Patrice can of course “do it myself!”
It is a lot of fun to watch them learn and grow. And sometimes just too darn cute! What have your kids done lately that just sent them off the cute charts?
Today, meaning Saturday, since it is now actually Sunday, was a great day. Well for me and the girls. Hubby is being knocked for a loop with a cold, but he holds his own with those. So, back to those of us who are healthy.
Thanks to my ongoing issues with insomnia, case in point, I am typing this at 3 am, my day started very early yesterday. By 5:30 I was sewing for Sue. She has been begging me for a neck pillow. She drives me crazy every time she sees them at the store. I keep explaining I have everything to make them, I just haven’t done it yet. Well I remedied that situation. I made hers completely and cut out the other two.
Then I headed off to donate blood. Even that went well. Next, was a couple pleasant errands (read, craft store). Finally, I made my way home where hubby had scrubbed and bleached the kitchen and bathroom. How can you go wrong with any of that?
Kids are kids, so there were whinings, time outs and moments of, well, just moments.
But the good outweighed ALL of the that.
Caitlyn and I made her a stress ball (sand in a balloon) and a birdseed wreath. She made a birdseed feeder as well.
And the leaves are still hanging out and BEAUTIFUL.
I even got a couple short naps. Yes, a couple. Donating blood drained me a bit. Bwhahaha.
The girls and I ended the day making banana bread. As a side note, I can’t find my recipe so used one with buttermilk in it. I’m not sold. Does anybody have just a straight, no bourbon, recipe they’d like to share?
Pinally, Patrice, Caitlyn and Sue went to bed VERY easily tonight. Patrice even put herself to bed.
I should feel fantabulous about this day. And I do, when I look at the pieces, but when I look at the whole, I feel a desperate need for affirmation as a mother. Why is that?
I have questions. Am I doing too much with/for my kids? Am I letting them use electronics too much? Am I pushing them too hard to clean their room? Do I compliment them too much/not enough? Should I be worried that Caitlyn wants a stress ball? Am I doing this right?
You always hear about kids being cute, but oh the funny!
I woke up early this morning, but did manage to get a decent night sleep. I was making my bed when Sue and Patrice got up for the day. And I hear,
“Mommy, Patrice is all up in my business!!!”
I am still laughing and knew this was setting me up for a day of great blog fodder.
Since then Patrice has been doing her version of hula hooping. She throws the hoop into a spin and then keeps her body still while shaking her hands above her head. I’d post a picture, but the only ones I’ve managed to grab were with her sporting her Nudacy, as Caitlyn calls it.
Patrices’ new word is hilarious. Literally. She declares things and people hilarious.
And today has been a good day for hilarious.
Patrice is a RO BOT.
We melted broken Crayons last night to make new ones. Sue was a trooper. She peeled a ton of crayons. Caitlyn was a distant second.
While peeling them, Caitlyn came across a whole Crayon. She said, “hey, this isn’t broken.” Sue reached over, took the Crayon, broke it, and said, “there now it’s broken” while handing it back to Caitlyn. Then went back to her peeling. All deadpan. I, on the other hand, lost it.
And finally today, lunch was served with a side of funny faces.
Kids are so cute and funny. What have yours done lately to make you laugh? And, if your kids are older, do they still make you laugh?
Over the last week or so, things have been weird in my world. Oh, school has been great. The girls and hubby have been good, but we all noticed mama was wound tighter and tighter.
I had started a new medication, so wasn’t sure if that was it or if things were spinning for me again. So I called the doctor. Finally. She called back in 1 hour and 6 minutes. That is amazing turn around.
We discussed my needs and options. And settled on upping the new medication. So far so good. I feel much more like myself. Now if I could just get a good night sleep.
In the meantime, we have been having lots of fun around here. Today we went on our first “real” homeschool field trip with several other families. We spent the day at the Cranbrook Science Center.
This folks, is what you call parenting by pushing through. I can’t even count how many times I wanted to just curl up and let the world go away, but Caitlyn, Sue and Patrice were there, needing and wanting. And giving back to me. Giving love, fun and giggles.
So much of parenting is about pushing through, doing when I can’t. And that’s okay.
Posted in depression, Homeschool
Recently the girls and I did a project. I have been preparing for it for quite a while and was very excited to put it together, but I wasn’t sure if I should crow about it on my blog. The Bible says if we brag about what we do we will see all of our reward here on earth, not in heaven. And, honestly, I’d rather get my reward in Glory!
But I have seen some discussions about Blessing Bags on Facebook and wanted to share what we put in ours and how I got the items for the bags.
First, a bit of background. Blessing Bags are prepared to be given to those who do not have a place to live and are homeless. Some people make them and hand them out to people they see on the street. I am pretty oblivious to much beyond driving when in my car so knew that was not a good option for us. I chose to contact Grace Centers of Hope to see if they wanted the bags. I’m well aware, the situation there may be such they do not need the items in bags, but it might also be nice for people there to have a bag of items that are just theirs. I e-mailed with the donations coordinator and got a very enthusiastic response. They would love to have them.
We packed: toilet paper, kleenex, toothbrushes and tooth paste, gloves, soap, chapstick, shampoo, a washcloth and edible item. I got most of the items in the trial size area of our grocery store and the dollar store.
I packed 2 to show the girls what we had and how to put them together. I marked the two that had peanut items in them. The girls packed the rest.
The girls had fun putting them together and I was thrilled to be giving back. I bought most of the items on sale. It took me about two months to find everything I wanted, but it was worth it when I dropped them off Saturday.
Posted in giving
