Sitting With It

The internet exploded.

My Facebook feed went crazy.

I thought all the thoughts.

I thought nothing.

Run.  I needed to run.

Yet there I sat.

Hands shaking.

Mind flying at a crawl.

Robin Williams.


Assumed death by suicide.

No, I don’t know him.

We weren’t friends.

Or acquaintances.

But I have clung to the edge.

Knowing I could fall into the abyss that is suicide.

At any moment.

My hubby sat with me.

I told him my thoughts.

“If he, who would have access to every resource for help with his mental health, couldn’t survive. how could I?

My hubby gently reminded me of the truth.

We don’t know if he took advantage of those options.

As far as we know he did not express a faith in Christ.

When the demons come, my faith is weak.

There are many holes in the safety net.

He sat with me.

My hubby and Robin Williams.

I wrapped myself in my book.

Sleep stopped my whirring thoughts.

My whirring thoughts woke me up.

My mind went into protection mode.

I deleted Facebook and Twitter from my phone.

No sense is being made of it all, no matter how my mind tries.

Protection is the only thing that makes sense.

Feeling safe is my pearl of great price.

Survive til you Thrive!

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